Monday, May 23, 2011

To Teavana and Back

As we all know, Teavana is a great example of the generic "Sales 101" scenario.  "You like a product? Well here's one that's twice as good because it costs twice as much!" or "Do you need any accessories for that hobby associated with our store? Because we have twice as many expensive models of the thing you need for sale."  I know... I can tell everything in Teavana must be amazing because of the price.  I mean, let's go DEEPER and theoretically show that, because their /t/ is so expensive, it must be so high in demand that people were lining up out the door.  I present you with the line I saw stopping traffic and averting those too weak to stand in line for months to get their Monkey-Picked Oolong (which I'm still convinced is afflicted with meh-itis)...

...or not... 

Now, don't get me wrong, the sales rep I worked with was surprisingly pleasant to deal with.  We even shot the shit for awhile, making me enjoy myself in a place where other /t/ reviewers might feel uncomfortably pushy.  But, being pretty well-versed in my /t/ knowledge already, I basically sampled all of the available /t/ and went through the wafting process.  About half the /t/s I sampled were mixed with their German rock candy or whatever, sometimes it ended well, sometimes it didn't.

We moved on to "the close" of the sale.  She brought me to the counter and started recommending /t/ to me.  I chuckled a lot during this phase as I noticed she pulled the most expensive kinds in each category of /t/.  I didn't call her out on it because I respect her need to make money too.  When I asked about the rooiboses (rooibi?) I saw her head kinda sink as her expected commission plummeted.  She pointed out they had a peach rooibos, though.  And if there's one fruit that I love to eat as much as these guys, it'd be a peach. I smelled that shit and, after already smelling $1000's worth of /t/, I was hooked.  It was peach schnapps all over again.

Being the Jew I am (financially, at least), I chose to buy a cup rather than "frivolously" spend the money on /t/ I might not want.  Why else did I do this?  Because if there's anything to know about rooibos, it's that it can be unbearably sweet.  Bitch, I don't want to drink sugar water.

Luckily, the friendly sales rep made me a cup.  The smell was just as strong brewed as it was loose.  Though, now it smelled like a hint of vanilla was thrown in there.  The vanilla actually came out really well in the flavor too.  Shit tasted like a peach Creamsicle.  Still, like I knew, it was pretty sweet.  Really sweet.  Kinda like a bag of gummy peach ring candy.  This was further enforced by the syrupy-ness of the /t/.  This /t/ is candy.  The only ways it could be improved would be to add caffeine and take out a tad of the vanilla. It would be like sex magic.

What:  Rooibos Peach Blossom  (Teavana)
How much: $2.25/ oz
What kind: Rooibos - Peach
Taste: Like gummy peaches melted down until they're molten sugar and then poured directly into my mouth.
Repeat Drinkability: 8/10  (Tone down the vanilla a little bit and you might have something that rivals blueberry rooibos)
Manliness: 4/10  (Being named "Peaches")

1 comment:

  1. Travel with the tea is of great fun...
    Sri Lanka generates tea throughout the year, and the cultivating areas are mainly concentra-ted in the central highlands and southern inland areas of the island. The tea sector in Sri Lanka has always been a vital constituent of our economy and is also the country's largest employer providing employment both directly and indirectly to over one million people. This in turn has cast Sri Lanka as the 3rd biggest tea producing country globally.