Friday, May 13, 2011

The line into my Russian Caravan starts here, ladies

While sitting on my front porch man-tanning with an IPA and reading War and Peace for the twelfth time, I decided that this testosterone fest could only get more manly with a mug of tea.  What's more manly than a mug of tea?  That's right...only a mug of Da Hong Pao.  But since I'm out of Pao (le gasp), I've got to try some of this Russian Caravan.  There is about to be manliness everywhere.  Step up ladies.

Mmmm I can smell the manliness already.  It smells smokey.  Tea_Pain doesn't like Lapsang Souchong, but I don't mind it.  For those of you who are unfamiliar, Russian Caravan is a blend of Lapsang Souchong, Oolong, and Keemun, so the smokiness comes from the L'chong.  On a scale from one to a full L'chong, the Caravan was like a nose full of campfire.  Let's do this.

Yeeeah look at that /t/.

At first the it was very smooth and somewhat smokey.  The taste was between the chocolaty flavor of a Keemun and the subtle leafiness of an oolong.  But the aftertaste was scathing.  The roof of my mouth burned like a caravan full of smoldering pine needles.  This gif sums up my reaction.  It's really too bad.  I was going to enjoy having this /t/ with my future wife January Jones, as she sunbathed in the nude.  Alas I had to pour it down the drain because it tasted like someone dumped kerosene down my throat and threw a match in for good measure.

What: Russian Caravan (Culinary Teas)
How much: $1.75 per oz
What kind: Blend - Black and Oolong
Taste: A 2010 Russian wildfire
Repeat Drinkability: 4/10 (Like drinking hickory-smoked water)
Manliness: 7/10 (less smokey and therefore less manly than a L'chong)

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