Thursday, May 5, 2011

Sponsor: La Fleur de Tea

DukeOEarl:  Next up on our East Pacific Tea Co. sponsorship is the "Foreign Affair" tea.  Let's see the ingredients: rose hips, lavender, raisins, blueberries, rose petals....  If this isn't marketed directly to middle-aged sex-crazed women, I don't know what is.  Ohhhh it's also from France...this will end well.  Especially cause France is super-aching for a revolution over the recently raised retirement age.  Viva lol resis/t/ance.

So we open the bag and immediately my nose was subjected to more S&M than my entire college career (which was a lot).  The smell was like my grandmother's bathroom air freshener.  As a kid, I'd huff that air freshener until my mother noticed that I'd come out of the bathroom with nosebleeds.  She grounded me for a few weeks and my grandmother threw away the big, pink, fluffy elephant that I'd play with at her house.  Except apparently my grandmother didn't own a big, pink, fluffy elephant.  It was side-effects from the air freshener.

Now let's actually drink this /t/....After steeping it smelled less like air freshener and more like rose-garden genocide.  The taste was just terrible, like a Georgia O'Keeffe painting.  It tasted like my grandmother's purse after she spilled years of perfumes, balms, makeup, and lotions in it.  The sickening sweet and chemical flavor made this tea taste like a Columbine fruitcake in my mouth.  We decided to pour it out.  Anymore of it and we'd go fucking crazy.  As I walked back to the couch from the sink, Tea_Pain was looking a little fluffy from the /t/.

Tea_Pain:  Yes. All of that.  Hopefully the third /t/ EPTC gave us exceeds expectations.

What: Foreign Affair  (East Pacific Tea Co.)
How much: $7.29/oz
What kind: Rooibos - Flowers/Berries
Taste: A new saleswoman at Macy's after being hazed.
Repeat Drinkability: 2.5/10 (This tea is only slightly more popular than Jacques Chirac was at the end of his second term)
Manliness: 1/10 (About as manly as Nicolas Sarkozy)


  1. Was the big offender the flowery lack of manliness or was the flavour just too overpowering? Would you ever enjoy a flowery tea, I guess we're wondering.



  2. It was more about the flavor. To be honest, we've liked flowery teas in the past. Personally, I'm a huge fan of jasmine teas and those can be extremely fragrant. But I think what happened was this tea had a really strong perfume mixed with a tart flavor. It wasn't how it came off girly that we wouldn't drink more, it's just that we didn't enjoy the combination provided here.

    My advice for people who judge /t/ like we do, serve it cold. It'd probably get way better marks as the tartness would be contained a little bit.

  3. I could've told you the tea was going to be testicularly lacking just by the title. It has the word "Flower" in it. In French. That's - like - the *reverse* of machismo.