Saturday, February 5, 2011

Zombie Bird /T/ Featuring a /T/ea Blag EXCLUSIVE

Tea_Pain: We flipped through the tea guide at Dobra for shits and found the Feng Huang Dan Cong. Why, Duke, did this catch our eye today?

DukeOEarl: Fucking phoenix /t/.

Tea_Pain: Exactly. We ordered up some of this oolong and went to work.

DukeOEarl: Like the middle school slut said in sex ed, "it tastes like grapefruit!" Yeah, but for seriously. This /t/ smells malty like an oolong, yet it tastes like grapefruit (or grapefruit rind) without the sugar. There wasn't much sweetness to it, and the taste lingered long after we were finished drinking. However, it wasn't too sour like most lingering grapefruit taste. If you're trying to lose weight, get on this grapefruit /t/ diet.

Tea_Pain: Like Duke said, pretty much tasted like a hint of grapefruit was added. It made the /t/ seem a tad sweeter and acidic. After the second steep, my cup had a lot of dust at the bottom, so I assume this was just the phoenix accumulating for reincarnation. The second brew tasted a lot nuttier, like, say, walnuts (a little bitter aftertaste with some minor sweetness). If this had some honey it would be stellar, but sadly we wanted to tame the bird without help from outside sources. I think Duke and I were losing since the caffeine started to kick in toward the end of this cup. ON TO STEEP 3!

DukeOEarl: By now, the phoenix had lost its acidity, and the sweetness was starting to rise from the ashes. The milder, fruitier taste gave way to a subtle buttery, creamy aftertaste. Shit, when I get home tonight, I'm making chicken with a butter and grapefruit sauce. Callin' that shit "fried-ass phoenix up in this bitchhh."

Tea_Pain: Almost forgot to bring this up: this is the first time in...2 years?... The /T/ea Blag did not order Da Hong Pao at Dobra. Blasphemy? Treason? Heresy?

DukeOEarl: Uh oh. This might be like that one time we got drunk and went to that BAC church. Pastor Bushman thought we were filled with the holy spirit. Well we were holy-spirit-filled alright, if by holy spirit you mean Jack Daniels. As I recall, we made a bet the next day to reconcile. Tea_Pain, we will bet on the Super Bowl! We will pick countries, and whoever has their team win, will have predicted the next country to revolt against their government. New York Times, BBC, and Al Jazeera take notice: the /T/ea Blag will be telling you, by Sunday evening, which country will be the next to revolt. This is a /T/ea Blag exclusive folks....

DukeOEarl: My team is the Steelers (read Stillers if you speak Pittsburghese). I predict that the next country to revolt will be..........France. Why? Well France hasn't had a good revolution in a while. French people, who love to strike and revolt, will not be out done by their North African counterparts. Le fuck that. The French invented revolutions back when the Romans occupied it. The Romans wanted to build roads and shiz, but the French were all like, "Le meh. Eet eez not the French way, so eet eez sheet." Finally when the Romans threatened to ban cigarettes and enforce bathing laws, the French revolted. Revolting is a French way of life, like drinking wine or baking baguettes. They will not be shown up by the North Africans, especially since they don't have nearly enough le paid vacation. Go Stillers! The French will be the next to revolt!

Tea_Pain: As it was spoken by /t/sus, Aaron Rodgers will lead the Packers to the promised land. Da Hong Pao will rain from the heavens and bathe the chosen ones with its sweet, honey-like glean. The next unstable country though is not France, for they are far too lazy to do much more than star as a backdrop to bad romantic comedies. Rather, I pick the Swiss people to rise once again like a phoenix. Think about this one, folks. They have been eternally neutral, yet they continued building up their military and hoarding foreign currency. This sounds like Kuwait only whiter. Why fight everybody else when you could just fight yourself? You'll know your enemy, feel familiar in your surroundings, and they can FINALLY make a Sound Of Music 2. The military might of the Swiss will have to be on guard at all times as yodelers and watchmakers throw rocks and assorted gourmet chocolates at each other. Yemen? Fuck Yemen. Once the Packers win, all sorts of bad news is going to be coming out of the center of Europe.

What: Feng Huang Dan Cong (Phoenix Bird) (Dobra Teahouse)
How much: $4.75 for a pot (around 4 steeps)
What kind: Oolong
Taste: Like grapefruit rind (we mean this in the best way possible) mixed into a less fermented oolong. Eventually gives off a walnut aftertaste.
Repeat Drinkability: 7.5/10 (the sweet taste rises from the ashes)
Manliness: 9/10 (This isn't your mama's pussy unicorn /t/... this shit is all about ZOMBIE BIRDS on FIRE.)

1 comment:

  1. My timeline is off...Either Egypt or Libya ended up being next : )