Tea_Pain: You know what's badass? Drinking the crushed up remnants of a demigod. Duke and I were kinda sapped from another week of exams and, before hitting up the bars, we needed to get some life in us. We decided to try out some IRON GODDESS /T/ simply because it sounded like something Sammy Hagar would've drank. Though it's an oolong, the first couple steeps do make it seem like a green /t/. The taste in the first couple steeps is also similar to cherry tomatoes, which I associate more with green /t/. On the brighter side, I felt the caffeine almost instantaneously after pouring the second cup. And though dusty, perhaps drinking the ashes of the Chinese goddess of tomatoes has its benefits.
DukeOEarl: Tea_Pain is right about the tomato taste. It was very subtle on the first steep. Not much taste otherwise. Much like a normal green tea. But on the second pour, it had a citrusy, orange aftertaste much like my favorite cough drops. Now it's more like drinking the blood of Florida migrant workers.
Tea_Pain: Yeah, and by the third steep there was a pronounced citrus taste coming from my throat. Around this time, the /t/ started getting a little more astringent and tasted like Madison's city water. Yay heavy metals!
DukeOEarl: Tea_Pain, it's metallic because your tongue is numb.
Tea_Pain: Still, it felt like I was drinking water laced with copper. Another couple of steeps in and I feel like I'm warming up to the goddess. See, this iron goddess is more reminiscent of Gaia than Venus or Athena. First you look at it and say, "Meh, not my thing." But after a couple of steeps and losing about three midgets-worth of weight, you start to appreciate the body and flavor. Next closest thing to Gaia would probably be... Janis Joplin?
DukeOEarl: My Iron Goddess of Mercy, is Xena: Warrior Princess. She tries to give up her warrior ways and along the way makes new friends. She saves young women, has pseudo-lesbian relationships with them, does things for the people she saves, and develops along the way. But in the end she's still a bitch. By the sixth pot, the Goddess was more malty like an oolong, and the orange flavor (see: lesbian scenes) disappeared.
Tea_Pain: Thanks to that big guy on the left, we got through 8 pots of /t/. Fuck you, kidneys.
DukeOEarl: We drank an entire pond of this damn tea. It was like running a train. The first go, she wasn't that ready yet, and after a few she was ready to go and open to new things. But by seven, she was like Angel Falls and begging for it like Oliver Twist. In the end, she gave everyone a happy ending.
Tea_Pain: Much like every goddess should. Now, off to the bars.
What: Anxi Ti Guan Yin a.k.a. Iron Goddess of Mercy (Dobra Tea Room)
How much: $5.50 for a pot
What kind: Oolong - Green
Taste: A smooth transition from green /t/ to grapefruit to pennies
Repeat Drinkability: 7.5/10 (Once you get past the tomato flavor in cup one, the rest of the /t/ is uphill)
Manliness: 5/10 (Lasts a long time, like every man should)