Sunday, February 13, 2011

Ironic /T/ is Ironic

Tea_Pain: A couple weeks ago, we decided it would probably help us be more "worldly" to get in on a /t/ swap. Steepster was hosting one at the time and we ended up receiving a couple bags of green /t/ from a guy in New York. Pretty SUPER haul for a swap. I opened the bag of the SUPER Kashmiri Green Tea and swore I opened a pack of SUPER Craisins. Also, the /t/ shop this is from is located in the East Village of New York City. SUPER irony.

DukeOEarl: At first, this /t/ looked SUPER meh. I mean srsly; the leaves looked like little green turds. After we poured in the scald-your-dick hot water, well they looked like they came from a grow your own (sea)weed kit. The SUPER cranberry smell gave way to a more subtle cranberry aroma as we pour the /t/ in our mugs. As expected, it tasted like SUPER cranberry juice. This is like the /t/ you drink when you have a urinary tract infection and you're seventy years old. Or if you're a SUPER slut and you're like 19. Speaking of fertility, the Kashmir region of India is widely contested because of it's fertility. That makes this /t/ from the SUPER octomom of India.

Tea_Pain: Though it looks like you're drinking piss, you're actually drinking a bag of Craisins. I fucking love Craisins. When it comes to Craisins, my mouth turns into some kind of SUPER Kirby-like suction device and I end up eating 2 pounds in one sitting. It's a shame that the second steep wasn't nearly as SUPER. I wanted to get my Kirby on and chug some more but a whole mess of things went wrong. Sure, it still tasted relatively similar to the first steep, but the /t/ got SUPER dryer and the leaves broke apart to form floating crud. I felt like I went from drinking Fiji water to something resembling Lake Michigan.

DukeOEarl: Tea_Pain's Kirby suction is also good when you have a golf ball stuck in your garden hose, but I digress. This self-proclaimed SUPER /t/ is good for maybe two steeps. On the second go, it was much soupier and rather meh, i.e. green tea. This is a probrem because I don't like green /t/ usually. It's really rather flavorless IMSUPERHO. This Craisin shit was an exception on the first steep. Maybe I'll drink this when I'm older, sitting on my porch with Tea_Pain, sipping Schlitz, shooting at kids, and yelling "git off my lawn!" while we piss into dialysis bags.
Tea_Pain: Look at it. Like I said, you're drinking a pissy, seaweed beverage right there. Fucktastic. Beyond the obvious shortcomings of the second steep, I could still find myself drinking this regularly. This is a model green /t/ as it is loose-leaf and doesn't taste like powdered swill. The cranberry definitely makes the tartness of green /t/ seem SUPER reasonable and I could see this being a great base to work with when creating other fruit-flavored /t/s. In other news, SUPER no longer appears to be a word with any meaning. You're welcome.

DukeOEarl: This would probably rock shit like Robert Plant singing upside-down at a KISS concert high on speedballs if some cranberry honey was added. Or, holy shit I'm going to patent this, if we added a few drops of cranberry concentrate. This would be dank as shit, and well you'd never have to worry about kidney stones or using condoms.

What: SUPER Kashmiri Green Tea (Dual Specialty Store- NY)
How much: $3.75 for 3 oz
What kind: Green - Cranberry
Taste: Like swimming with your mouth open in a cranberry bog
Repeat Drinkability: 7/10 (Doesn't destroy your mouth like a normal green /t/ and it's decently refreshing the first time through)
Manliness: 4/10 (It's a green /t/ from the same place your sister's wool sweaters are made)

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