Thursday, February 3, 2011

I think I just got /t/bagged

Since the snowpocalypse/snowicane/"Wednesday" has passed, I believe it is safe to write yet another post while the National Guard is called in to dig my ass out. Sad day for me, I'm forcing myself to drink a /t/ that isn't loose leaf.

Now, you all have had that summer where they you to their grandparents' place. You already hate the idea that you're missing out on Six Flags and totally having the chance to touch Kelly's boob, so hanging out with your grandparents is probably the last thing you want to do. As you step into their small, one-floor house with random wooden things hanging from the walls, you notice a strange smell consisting of gingerbread and death. That smell and these associated feelings essentially describe Numi's Moonlight Spice Orange Spice White Tea. Not only is it in the running for longest /t/ name ever, this /t/ also made me yearn for doing any other activity besides actually drinking it. I would rather go out into the 18 inches of snow and try to melt all of it manually by means of my own breath than drink this /t/.

Rather than rant about how horrible this /t/ is though, let me offer some proof. When I first opened the packet, my nose was assaulted with some blend of cinnamon/ginger/chai smell that could be used as an alternative to pepper spray. Thinking about going on a jog in downtown Memphis soon? Carry a bag or two of this. After I brewed this monstrosity, I finally smelled some orange, but the taste was still overpowered. I knocked back a couple gulps and realized that this isn't actually an orange tea at all (let alone a "delicate" white tea as stated on the packaging). When brewed, it looks like a cloudy apple cider, not a delicate, citrusy, cinnamon-infused /t/. By drinking this, my mouth got dryer, my eyes watered up, and I might have acquired an acute reaction to drinking straight cinnamon powder. Overall, it's pretty ironic that a brand called "Numi" (probably pronounced "numb-ee") blended this seeing as it's the complete opposite of palatable.

Am I disappointed? Not entirely. I got this /t/ for free from an old roommate and it can still be used to make my room smell like Christmas. If anything, I can throw a bag in the garbage to make the kitchen smell less like burnt toast and fried farm animals. Most of all, I feel I've done my good deed in that this may help some poor soul from purchasing Numi's long name /t/.

What: White Orange Spice (Numi)
How much: Free or ~$8/box of 16 bags on Amazon
What kind: White - Cinnamon, Orange (in name only)
Taste: Finely-ground, sugarless gingerbread cookies.
Repeat Drinkability: 1/10. I might actually throw out the box. If I do a /t/ swap, at least half of what I have left will go in as filler.
Manliness: 8/10. You could replace goat piss with this /t/ and train for Beer Fests with it.

1 comment:

  1. Tea_Pain don't diss on my beer by comparing it to crappy /t/. Reduce that manliness or you'll wake up DEAD!