Friday, February 11, 2011

Taylor Swift, It's Not You. It's Me.


How much caffeine is in this /t/?  This is trollage #3 by Joy's Teaspoon.  Kenilworth (OP) as the wobsite says.  It is grown in Sri Lanka, presumably by the Tamil Tigers who having nothing better to do now than grow tea.  If the people aren't addicted to your revolution, then you might as well get them addicted to something else.  It worked for the Russians.  Now all they do is drink vodka and play pretend communism.  It's incredibly cute.

I'm so high on caffeine right now that all I can think about it how I need moar caffeine.  Why am I typing?  I should be out killing wild animals with my bare hands.  This is so invigorating.  I need to calm the shit down.  Where's that Valium?  Oh wait...Tea_Pain borrowed it to pick up chicks.

Anyway, this /t/.  It did not smell like my grandmother after her Kegel exercises.  That's one point.  It was bright red.  That's two points.  If you forgot, I love bright red things.  Ok, so actually it's three points.  The smell and taste were rather similar.  Like a damp, earthy musk.  Malty and smooth, yet slightly bitter.  It reminded me of a richer darjeeling.  And I wanted to roll around in the mud.  Hmm maybe that was the caffeine.  Either way that's six points.  I made three pots and could've gone deeper, like Inception 2: Another Instance of Christopher Nolan Making Money Off Of Twilight Zone Ideas.  Can you imagine that?  Uh I'm starting to hallucinate.  Fuck.  You.  Caffeine.  Nolan.  Don't.  Fuck.  Up.  The.  Joker.  *Cough*. DDDDDEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Oh and who are you?...Yes Ms., I am a Duke.  I'm the Duke that will make all of your dreams come true...Your laugh is so funny...You can take that however you'd like...Well I can tell you didn't get anything for Christmas this year...Because you were naughty of course...How did I know?  Well, I'm at the top of the naughty list...

Well.  That was a pleasant nap.  T Swift ain't gonna be happy.  I'm canceling our engagement.  In case you were wondering, that's my new future wife January Jones.  She likes this Kenilworth /t/.  See she's holding a cup of it.

Also Tea_Pain, I need my Valium back.

What: Kenilworth (Joy's Teaspoon)
How much: $6.50 per oz
What kind: Black
Taste: Like a malty wort before it's brewed
Repeat Drinkability: 7/10 (January Jones approved)
Manliness: 7/10 (I accidentally my rug because of caffeine)

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