Friday, March 18, 2011

C/T/G Presents: Bear Grylls Approved

So...this was actually somewhat unexpected. The C/T/G had a new oolong in stock called "Ben Shan", to honor the lesser-known brother of Jackie Chan. We decided to get a sample to review and a sample for a fan of ours out in Pittsburgh (we will be delivering some of the Blueberry Rooibos too since it can't be found outside Wisconsin). Tony, the head of C/T/G, messaged us and I'll semi-quote him here, "Scumbag /T/eablag. Sees free shipping, orders two samples." Tony, thank you for being a fellow troll. So while Duke and I were in Vegas gettin our drank on, the package arrived and, as you can see by our blag, we didn't really have many new posts along the way. When we came back, I saw the package from C/T/G at our door (people of Madison, thank you for not stealing our shit) and got pretty pumped to get one more review in. After we opened the package we saw one sample...

...but wait, we ordered 2 of these. What's under the paper?...

That... is much larger than a sample. I think this is about the time I knelt to one knee in the direction of our gaiwan and prayed for /T/sus to reward C/T/G with gratuitous amounts of sex. Since there was so much extra /t/, I decided, fuck it, this is part of the sponsorship.

So how is the Ben Shan? If you judge it by the first steep, it'd be ranked ahead of open bars, softcore porn, and Snakes On A Plane, combined. Being the annoying 4 year old that you are, you may ask another question such as, "Why?" And I say, FUCK YOU, that's why. But in all seriousness, the flavors in this oolong work together awesomely. You got your dark chocolate to start it all off, you get some walnuts in there, and ya finish it all off with a hint of pina colada. Add in caffeine to taste, this batch must've had around 3-4 GRAMS sprinkled in, and you're golden. Tell me another /t/ that will give you a mix like that naturally. There isn't one, I already checked.

I conquered 7 steeps of this /t/. The nuttiness went away after steep 4, the sweetness in the aftertaste died in steep 5-6, and the beginning piss-yellow color was turning more and more pale by the last brew. Was I upset? No, because I was sufficiently caffeinated and I think I found my new favorite oolong besides Da Hong Pao. And because it turns so piss-yellow, I think a sponsorship deal with Bear Grylls wouldn't be out of the question.

Aight, time for Tea_Pain to get all serious and shit. Like I said before, thanks to Tony and the Chicago /T/ Garden for supplying us with all this /t/. We probably won't run out for at least another month and the fact that you bumped this sample up to a full canister really shows your care for your clientele and your confidence in your product. Duke and I are grateful (even though I forced Duke to do the pu erh) for all the support and if you EVER need another review, you know which men to ask for. /T/sus be with you along with the Jasmine, Chai, and Holy Oolong.

PS- On the plane home from Vegas, Duke and I made a solemn vow to update just as regularly as before. Have no fear, there is PLENTY of /t/ to be reviewed. A Vegas update will be up in the very near future as well. Never have I seen so many walking STD's. *shudder*

What: High Grade Ben Shan Oolong (Chicago Tea Garden)
How much: $14.75/ 1.76 oz
What kind: Oolong
Taste: Like dark chocolate-covered mixed nuts followed by a swig of some fruity girly drink.
Repeat Drinkability: 9/10 (If this held its flavor for a few more steeps, Da Hong Pao would have competition)
Manliness: 7/10 (Never heard of a woman named "Ben")

1 comment:

  1. I love how Tony trolled us with the single sample on top.