Dragon Ball /T/

Gosh golly Vegas was fun. Super unproductive, but fun. Unfortunately, the night we got back, I was kept awake by a pair of rabbits fucking their brains out. We'll call them Zea_Pain and Fart Girl so their identities are safe. I mean these rabbits were just screaming and humping so loud that I thought the Jungle Book 2 was being filmed in the next room. The next morning, I decided to get back at them for keeping me up late, so I turned on this "music" in my room (to volume 11), locked my door from the outside, and left my apartment. Needless to say, they got about an hour of ear-destroying, loud dubstep for an hour before my computer went to sleep, and I probably won't have to hear those fake orgasms at 2 am anymore.


Anyway so I turned on some water when I got back from class and decided to try this new /t/ea that I got from the Teavana. It's called Black Dragon Pearls: Black Tea. Sweet. I love dragons. Dragons are hella cool n'stuff. That's why I ordered it. So I put four marble-sized pearls in my /t/ea pot and poured in my chromium-enriched water. Upon pouring, it looked like this:

While the picture doesn't adequately show the color of this tea, holy shit, it was this epic brown color. And it smelled like chocolate malt. For those of you that don't drink or brew beer, chocolate malt smells like chocolate. This was looking more and more epic.

Upon tasting, the /t/ea presented a warm, rich, malty flavor. It was very much like a double porter or an extra stout beer. The flavor was also very chocolaty and slightly sweet. After three pots, I felt like that fat kid from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory who stuck his head in the river of chocolate. I couldn't decide whether to pull my head out or not. It was soooooooo good. It didn't end either, like the river of chocolate, and there was ample caffeine. Not the most caffeinated /t/ that we've reviewed, but not the least either. I probably could've gone deeper with it, but that'd be like drinking the same amount of Guinness (which is delicious). My decision whether or not to brew a fourth pot was tearing me apart. Finally my brain said Man up, Sally! Quit deliberating and decide like a man! I decided to go one more round.

On the fourth steep, this /t/ea was still having sex with my tongue. Play the dubstep.

What: Black Dragon Pearls Black Tea (Teavana)
How much: $7.50 per oz (must buy 2 oz)
What kind: Black - Chocolate
Taste: Like an Extra Stout/Double Porter with over 9000 DRAGONSSSS
Repeat Drinkability: 8/10 (Chuggable like Guinness)
Manliness: 9/10 (I could feel the hair growing on my chest)