Wednesday, March 9, 2011

C/T/G Presents: If Bear Grylls Drank /T/ It Would Not Be This /T/

So I went to Google to find out more about this Wu Yu tea that I'm reviewing.  It basically told me that I'm stupid and it's called Wu Yi.  Whatever.  Fuck off Google.  I'm sure China /T/oga Garage spelled it rite.  I also found out that "Wu Yi" tea was/is at the center of an epic fad diet.  It always makes me laugh when fat people think that they can lose weight by means other than diet moderation and exercise.

Anyway, it smells like sweet zucchini after steeping.  Upon blowing the surface of the /t/, it smells like mango, just like the card said!  Jackpot.  Challenge /T/he Google got there smells right.  The smell is actually quite amazing.  The taste was similar to that of the Iron Goddess, at first.  A bit vegetative, slightly sweet, better when it wasn't piping hot.  It was like if you could drink the smell of womenfolk's shampoo.  It smells so delicious right?  They always get pissed at me when I randomly taste their hair on the bus.  Butttt.   It'ssssss.  Soooooo.  Goooooooood.

The second steep smelled like brussel sprouts that I get on my #6 a.k.a. Captain Butt Pirate Sandwich from Jimmy Johns.  It didn't smell like mango as much, but it was still a sweet, mouth-watering smell.  After two pots, I was hooked like the first time I saw POWER RANGERS.  I so happy I found a green /t/ea that doesn't taste like a) piss b) nothing c) grass.  Now all you haters can say we're biased.  We're fair and balanced with all our reviews like Fox News.

Both times it was better when it was lukewarm.  This was the first green tea I actually liked.  i no rite.  Actually funny story.  I used Google again to find a funny picture to link to "i no rite" except all I got were pictures and pictures and pictures of this chick.  Google is totally fucked today for whatever reason.  Anyway, this /t/ prolly would've gone deeper than two steeps had I not fallen asleep while standing because of the lack of caffeine.  Luckily I didn't whack my head.  If you have the epic amount of money this costs (for slightly less than two ounces), try it out.  You will not be disappoint.

What: Wu Yu a.k.a. "Jade Mist" (Chicago Tea Garden)
How much: $11.95 for 50 grams (cheaper than cocaine)
What kind: Green - Fragrant
Taste: Like the Iron Goddess at first, then a smooth transition to sweet mango
Repeat Drinkability: 7.5/10 (the mango scent, sweet taste remind me of my brotein shakes)
Manliness: 3.5/10 (smelling like women shampoo is about as manly as Lady Gaga)

P.S. - Me and the T_ are heading to Vegas for break if he ever leaves his new ladyfriend's bedroom.  Epicness will commence next week.

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