Saturday, March 5, 2011

Wrath of the Iron Goddess Part 2: Duke's Recount

So I woke up in the hospital, in the ER no less, unable to speak without sounding like someone put rocks in my mouth. The nurse tells me I have a pretty epic concussion and that I need to take it easy. Well "Take It Easy" is my favorite Eagles song so I'm cool with that. The best part was that I couldn't remember shit. It was like OVER 9000 blackouts combined. I was thinking to myself, I can't wait til Tea_Pain gets here to tell me what happened.

Sure enough, he shows up, and he tells me what happened as best he can remember. Until yesterday, when we were drinking the Bi Luo, I couldn't really remember anything about that night, but now I do and some things should be corrected from Tea_Pain's account. I will string some of the main points together from his post for some context.

After we left the Blue Velvet with the time bombs in our stomachs. We got to Lucky's and I bought us some beers. We sat by the dart board and Tea_Pain gets hit by a dart. The girl who hit him apologized shamelessly, and Tea_Pain cannot see that she totally wants it. I say fuck it and get up to go talk to some chicks that I recognize. While I'm over there, I looked back at Tea_Pain, and he's drooling and staring at something that was not there. Dart girl is gone as far as I can tell. God dammit Tea_Pain. I go up to him and tell him to talk to her. He is mumbling. Can't understand what the fuck he's saying. Apparently he thought I was the Iron Goddess. He was high as fuckkkkk.

Right about after I tell him to talk to dart girl, I realize that there is this glowing girl in the corner of the bar. Yay the pills are starting to kick in. Glowing girl looked sorta like this at first. Terrible singing included. But after a few minutes she turned into this. Yes, Taylor Momson except like a 300lb Wisconsin version. On a scale from one to Courtney Love, Taylor Momson is a total coked-out whore, and I got the Midwest version. This was not going well. She started petting my face, and I'm pretty sure thats when I started banging my head against the table to try to turn off said face. I don't remember anything after that. Tea_Pain is surprised I remembered any of this, actually. Anyway, I avoided a grenade, got a concussion and Tea_Pain got dart girl's number. It was a moderately successful evening.

No comments:

Post a Comment