Seeing that we received so many /t/s from Chicago /T/ Garden, I say we start it off like we'd start any other day: BREAKFAST. Enter Keemun Hao Ya, a black /t/ that is said to be the "Chinese Breakfast Tea". Since when do they get breakfast? I thought they had iPods and male children to make. Time is money, China. CTG also sent us a gaiwan to steep this stuff in. I assume that since China is so crowded, they barely have enough room for french presses or tea kettles, thus, they bust out one of these babies:
Upon opening the tin, the smell in the air of my apartment went from "greasy hamburger" to something more reminiscent of a sweet, black /t/. Psst, Glade, not even your air fresheners can do that. To be honest, I was looking forward to another naturally sweet black /t/ with a little bit of bitterness a la every other breakfast blend ever invented. I was sooooo, so wrong.
I poured the first brew out of our new gaiwan into a set of shot glasses. Why? Because it was a fucking Wednesday in Madison. Look at that shot glass on the left. Notice anything about its color? That thing is about as black as...oh /T/sus... Ok, don't panic. Now, sir and/or madam, I know this is a /t/ blag, but have you ever tasted straight espresso? You know, the kind that doesn't have milk, sugar, or anything else besides coffee juice in it? Take that taste and strip about 3/4ths of the bitterness from it. Ta-fucking-da, you have yourself the only /t/ I have ever found that would make an excellent latte. Hell, there was even a hint of hops in there that gave this /t/ a coffee stout-feel: extremely rich, slightly bitter, the liquid was thick. In fact, I have to agree with the CTG's Steepster description of this /t/ steeping out as a "liquor".
Fast-forward about 4-5 shots and my body feels like I have essentially downed an equivalent amount of espresso. Ok CTG, I see what you did there. You just sent me powdered caffeine. Ha-ha. Hilarious. This must be why it's considered a breakfast /t/. If I woke up every morning after spending years harvesting my rice, I would see no other /t/ beyond this that could caffeinate me and get me back to work faster. Another 5 minutes in and I was on my 3rd brew. The deep color wouldn't go away and, though the taste mellowed a tad, the /t/ was still screaming, "BITCH, IT'S BREAKFAST!" at my tongue. My throat even got a little taste of the action as it started to get the Lapsang Suchong-effect. The smokiness eventually went away though in the 5th and 6th steeps and led to something more similar to...apricot? I celebrated that wtf moment with yet another shot.
Awwww yeah, reppin them paper towels.
Wellp, I went 8 rounds/17 shots with this beast. I won't be sleeping for at least 3 weeks. As a personal note: a little goes a looooooooooooooooooong way with this /t/, the price shouldn't be the thing scaring you away. The heart palpitations though... So, what is "bad" about this /t/? Like I hinted before, if I drank enough it might make my heart stop. That, in essence, is pretty "bad". The bitterness might also be a little over-powering to the people who think Arizona Tea is what all /t/ tastes like, but they shouldn't count. Ever. The price tag is steep if you're looking for something to chug before work/school/falling back asleep you lazy pile. Though, after drinking so much, do I agree with the pricing? You bet your ass, honky.
What: Keemun Hao Ya A Grade (Chicago /T/ Garden)How much: ~5.30/oz
What kind: Black
Taste: A /t/-espresso hybrid which gets sweeter after several steeps.
Repeat Drinkability: 8/10 (Once I got past the taste of coffee, I could easily go shot for shot with this /t/ against an alcoholic who has 2 livers)
Manliness: 9/10 (This is what the taste of the Old Spice guy who, after walking into a burning apartment complex, comes out with Isla Fischer over his shoulder would be like.)