Friday, February 18, 2011

Life in a Teacup Part 3: We Put the Pussy on a Pedestal

Tea_Pain: ...albeit a pedestal that is still fairly low to the ground.

DukeOEarl: We decided to try another pu erh. After two mediocre or worse /t/s, we said "fuck it." We opened the little pellet, and Tea_Pain said, "I'm so scared." It smelled like the mermaid pu erh after a mud bath. Needless to say we were not looking forward to anther traumatic experience, but it actually wasn't too bad. The smell was more earthy. As per /t/ pellet protocol, we washed it before brewing, and watched it turn hella brown as we brewed it. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy. It looked like diarrhea. Tea_Pain, you're first.

Tea_Pain: I hate being the guinea pig. I smelled the /t/ and immediately started wondering if this was the end. Like Duke said, we were expecting the /t/ to fail harder than Ron Walker, but as the /t/ turned Lipton-dark, we noticed that we were dealing with a less....uh...woman-like aroma. I can definitely see why people say pu erh tastes like dirt now. Still, I was pretty impressed to feel out something similar to dried oats after a couple swigs. About halfway through the drink, I added honey and the /t/ tasted less like oatmeal and more like cream. You know what happens when you leave pu erh and honey together in a boot-shaped glass for more than 5 minutes? The whole thing tastes like salty butter. Lesson learned: don't ruin honey by mixing it with pu erh.

DukeOEarl: In the end, this tasted more like breast milk than pussy, especially with honey. This has got to be a /t/ for women. There can be no other purpose for it. No man could take pleasure from this /t/. This is like how girls think babies or puppies are "fucking adorable". We, as men, do not understand all of those words (see: "adorable") and let women have each of these based on facial expressions of happiness and their lack of attention towards us. We get laid, but we always end up having to take care of the damn thing. We walk it. We spend all our money on clothes for it. Then we teach it to grab daddy a beer. At least they don't smell like Tea_Pain's mom's house. Pu erh: I smell your lightsabah.


What: Mini Tuo (Life in a Teacup)
How much: $1/sample
What kind: Pu erh
Taste: Oatmeal as it would be eaten by a fatty: with lots of butter and milk.
Repeat Drinkability: 1/10 (pu erh is just not for men. if you have balls... don't bother)
Manliness: 2/10 (like a black hole that isn't located on a woman)

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