And so it begins...
What better way to kick off our Spoonsership than with the most expensive /t/ The /T/ea Blag has yet to exhibit? I mean, this is like being a wine taster at Franzia and then, suddenly, a wild Two Buck Chuck appears. Or maybe not. We only really have enough money for ramen, /t/ and the occasional backwoods hooker, so wine brands are completely beyond us. I digress...
I poured the pouch of this Mangalam Assam TFGOP1 into my french press whilst thinking about what liquid money tasted like (see: cream). Once the boiling water hit that /t/, it was all sorts of chocolate in my nose. I'm talkin' hardcore chocolate that you get 70% off after Valentine's Day. But this confused me... why chocolate? Why not Chinese AUCE Buffet? Why not new car-smell? I'm not saying this is necessarily bad...it's just more of a surprise. Also... if anyone makes a "New Car Smell" /t/, we will destroy your soul and everything you believe in.
The /t/ got pretty dark, especially on the second steep. I thought it might actually be laced with chocolate. What I really liked about this /t/ though was how clear it was. No dust, HTF? I applaud any /t/ that can do that for multiple steeps, Duke can vouch for me. Going deeper, it's a pretty creamy /t/. Adding milk or honey would probably turn this /t/ into some sort of shitty coffee drink lowbrid. If you need to add anything, wait until the second steep when the dryness finally starts to come through. Still, for comparison's sake, this is essentially Bailey's minus the strong flavoring. It has the chocolate and malt flavors, goes down pretty smooth and creamy, may eventually get you drunk on the fourth or fifth cup, etc.
Actually, speaking of getting me drunk, /T/sus, this shit is caffeinated. I'd take a swig and caffeine punched me in the face. Blunt force trauma isn't cool. I got about halfway through my first cup and I was sweating like a 400 pound behemoth struggling up the handicap ramp. Also, never have I taken my shirt off while /t/-ing. Not long after that, I was like WTFROFLBBQ as I proceeded to re-file all of my school stuff, clean and vacuum my apartment, and roll around in the snow until I cooled off. What felt like 5 hours took all of 5 minutes. My productivity is officially awesome, but now I have nothing to do except troll Reddit and Facebook-stalk people until I pass out at 5AM.
Pro-tip: market this /t/ to Adderall users during exam weeks. Cash. Money.
As an aside, we at The /T/ea Blag don't normally kiss ass like this. But when you get a /t/ that essentially trolls your senses into submission (eg, smells like chocolate fondue, tastes like Baileys, get's you fucked up on caffeine), you kinda have to just congratulate them with an "I see what you did thar" and walk away. No need paying the troll toll, we know it's legitimate.
I leave this /t/ a little disheartened. At $9/oz before shipping (if you just wanted the smallest amount), it's expensive. For a college budget, this is a /t/ you're forced to write down for a gift since there's no way you could consistently afford it (at least while there are still $1 PBR's on Monday and Wednesday in Madison). There are trade-offs one would have to make, either have great taste for a price or a shit-ton of cheap, nasty "tea". I'll put it this way: I wouldn't expect anyone to only drink one steep of this. And though it isn't what I thought "liquid money" would taste like (something along the lines of copper and cocaine residue), it was similar to other higher quality /t/s I've had in the past. It truly defines a specialty /t/ at the cost of possibly not selling enormous quantities.
What: Mangalam Assam TGFOP1 (Joy's Teaspoon)
How much: $5.50-9.00/oz
What kind: Black - "Classy"
Taste: Chocolate and malt were thrown into the LHC and told they couldn't come out until they exploded. The aftermath birthed this /t/.
Repeat Drinkability: 5/10. It's a shame, the price just gives it a BIG hit that can't be made up in taste alone.
Manliness: 8/10. This could enter a fight club and win, pinkie up.