Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Spicy /T/ Helps Men Reach First Base on Venus

As a man, women are often confusing to me.  However, we at the Blag have noticed that we are better than most men at deciphering their complex language and behavior.  In time we will try to share this knowledge with our fellow male readers and hope that our female readers don't alter their secret culture based upon our discoveries.

Lesson one about women.  When women say yes, it means yes; when women say maybe, it means no; when women say no, it means maybe; and when women don't say anything, you're doing it right.

Sometimes to understand women, it's necessary to go undercover.  I don't mean wearing a bra like my uncle does or dancing to WHAM! when no one is watching.  I mean occasionally pretending to be invisible and eavesdropping on conversations or even trying to be some woman's friend (yes I went there).  I know, it's unspeakable.  But at least I didn't mention they who shall not be named.  On rare occasions, going undercover means drinking candy coffee, i.e. mocha frappuccino lattes, using conditioner (I know, I know), or making your own sandwich.  Well today was one of those days.  Your Duke decided to go undercover and try the girliest of all /t/s, a chai green tea.

Chai Green Tea by Stash.  The /t/ bag smelled like this.  Was I going to get that just brushed clean feeling from this /t/?  Oh god I hope so.  I have a hot date later with Ms. Jones.  Anyway, after steeping, the doublemint cinna-spolsion smell was still there but more subdued than before.  First swig down, this had the consistency of pea soup.  And.  It looked like Mr. Green.  Props to anyone who actually remembers what that was like.  Shit was delicious.  Like Dr. Pepper except with ginseng and a sewage color.  AND A FUCKING LIZARD ON THE FRONT.  Well pea soup /t/ was starting off to be aight.

After several swigs, the same mute cinnamon taste from the previous Stash Chai appeared like a god damn Pidgy.  FUCK PIDGY.  No one cares about Pidgy after the first two minutes of Pokemons.  No one cares about the lame cinnamon taste either.  The mint smell had entirely disappeared and the mint taste was fleeting.  This was shaping up to be slightly less "meh" than normal green tea.  I have a feeling Stash put the artificial cinnamon flavor in one of their /t/s and it sold well.  Then they were like, "What should we do next?" "Hurr durr, to the cloud!  Let's put cinnamon flavor in all our /t/s!" "Brilliant!" "Brilliant!" "That's brilliant!" "Capitol!" "Brilliant!" Then, spoiler alert, Severus kills Albus, a hunter kills Bambi's mom, and there's no such thing as a happy woman (or a good green tea).

What: Chai Green Tea (Stash)
How much: $5.45 a box (30 tea bags)
What kind: Green - Spiced
Taste: Like someone poured an apple pie into your pea soup
Repeat Drinkability: 4.5/10 (About half a notch above "meh")
Manliness: 4/10 (Spices are a plus, men still love Big Red gum, but no caffeine makes me sad)

1 comment:

  1. Fantastic! I haven't seen a Mr. Green reference in ages and honestly it needs to make a comeback.

    That sewage in a bottle was FUCKING DELICIOUS!

    I am one of the few that have a Mr. Green /T/Shirt.