Monday, February 21, 2011

Who Wants Genmiacha?

...because I now have a surplus.

So, a few weeks back we participated in a /t/ swap on Steepster. We received a genmaicha, and I, being the genmaicha virgin, figured I should lead the discussion as I am sometimes unbiased and uninhibited. Wikipedia tells me that genmaicha stands for "people's tea". Why? Because it has a bunch of cheap ass rice in it for filler. I fucking love rice for this reason. Maybe it's because of a college mentality or maybe I'm a stingy eater. Just know that I came in intrigued by having Rice Crispies in my /t/.

And now, Tea_Pain tells a story...

Ahem, let me just take you through the experience that was my first sip of genmaicha:

1) Hm, this smells exactly like a bag of popcorn and Smacks. Where's the green /t/? I UNNO!
2) Oh, here is the green /t/. Just in case I needed proof that it wasn't fake, I tested it out in my french press. You can tell it's real green /t/ because it looks like I put my piss in the microwave.
3) Another whiff. Smells like popcorn from a ghetto movie theater. You can get a whole bucket of this stuff for $1 and gorge yourself while watching a Samuel L. Jackson-knockoff take out all the honkies.

4) Holy shit, they make water out of popcorn now?

5) Wait for it... waaaait for it.... hold on- yup there's a little hint of rice in there.

5b) (30 seconds after swallowing) Oh hey, a green /t/ aftertaste! The one thing nobody ever wants from their green /t/.

ENHANCE. There's so much dust in this /t/ that I think it'll reassemble in my large intestine. On a scale from one to fiber, this is a wool sweater. Tell gramma to screw prune juice and get some of this shit. It's not like she'll remember how it tastes 5 minutes later anyway. And if you're looking for a smoother green /t/, you're better off with some canned Arizona-brand off-shoot than this stuff. Hell, Lipton might be able to go down easier than this stuff.

I found my mind drifting off while working with this /t/. For instance, when I opened the bag, I wondered if all that stale popcorn in my cupboard would taste the same if I ground it up and mixed in some water. Shortly after the third swig, I started reminiscing about how many good-tasting /t/s I've had in the past. Or, say, when after the fifth choked-down gulp I wondered what could undo the permanent damage to my tastebuds caused by this /t/. Hell, I even tried to resteep this to see if the green /t/ flavor would come out. Luckily this pours into the sink just as fast as it brews. *And there was much rejoicing!*

What: Genmaicha (Porto Rico Importing Co.)
How much: $2.50 for ~4 oz
What kind: Green - rice
Taste: Like eating stale popcorn.
Repeat Drinkability: 1/10 (Drink directly from a rice patty, no chaser)
Manliness: 6/10 (Reminds me of this little ditty)


  1. I find the rice an alternative to milk for regulating/slowing caffeine absorption. Also the rice hides the poor quality tea leaves that go into genmaicha and what is a meal without rice? Not a meal.

  2. Well see there's your problem. You put milk in your tea.

    Also, what is "slowing caffeine absorption"?

  3. I agree with both of you...surprisingly...

    To Anon, the leaves looked decent when they were brewing, but the trick is to try a bite. And when I did, they didn't have anything resembling "/t/". You're right, they needed something to mask that they were shit. And unless you're in a hospital bed, no meal should ever have to come through a straw. After this /t/, I'll be keeping the rice in the bowl where it belongs.

    Duke, if we ever put milk in our /t/, one of us has to go full-out Libya on the other to stop the madness. Capiche?

  4. "slowing caffeine absorption" is putting other items down the throat simultaneous with caffeine such that digestion of caffeine is hampered or extended along the digestive tract. Example, eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich with tea, the impact of the caffeine may not be as pronounced as if it were alone in the system. Milk, rice, I find "compete" with caffeine absorption.

    Some teas go really well with milk, like chai, a hong kong milk tea and some others like, yes....matcha! I never understood the religious-like "purity" of no milk applied to all tea drinks.