Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Sponsor: Honey Gold is my favorite pr0nstar

DukeOEarl: First off - Osama bin Lolden. Amerikuh. Freedomboner.

Tea_Pain: Thanks, now that we're done with the token patriotism, we can move on to... ANOTHER SPONSORSHIP!  Lucky for us, East Pacific Tea Co. sent us a few ounces of their finest green...er... black. Sure, we had to wait awhile to get the /t/, but I think this should be worth it... or else we'll go all-out Lipton on it.  Maybe it's because they're located in Massachusetts?  That's like...far far east Pacific.  This is gonna be tits. Day one of our EPTC sponsorship begins with some Honey Gold.

DukeOEarl: We were fully expecting the Honey Gold to smell like some kind of King Midas honey.  Or at least like regular honey.  Nope.  It smelled like a regular oolong with some blanched tomatoes added to it.  Tea_Pain thought it smelled like weed.  He was sorta right.  It was really subtle.  Like when your little brother uses a ton of Visine and mouthwash to hide his three-joint-a-day habit from your parents.  Obviously you can still tell that he smokes cause you're trained for that shit.  It also smelled crispy like the PAO and thick like hotel bar soap.

Tea_Pain:  Yeah, this /t/ was all over the place in the smells category.  Pretty sure it smelled like coffee in the gaiwan.  The french press allowed it to keep a little bit of the tomato-y smell...but who would want to drink tomato-flavored coffee?  Fucking right. Us.  This turned out to be a little bittersweet as the /t/ only had a slightly coffee-like aftertaste. Otherwise, there wasn't a whole lot of flavor when it was brewed in the french press.  You know Duke, this might be good with honey.

DukeOEarl:  Well it's called Honey Gold.  It would be a sin if we didn't put honey in it.

Tea_Pain:  We should have sinned.  This stuff tasted fake with honey added.

DukeOEarl:  Yeah, it tasted more like Honey Pyrite. It doesn't look any different than it did pre-honey.

Tea_Pain:  But hey, a redeeming quality- there's a decent amount of caffeine in this /t/.  I mean, if this has a "medium" rating for caffeine, I'm semi-afraid to see how much a "high" rating puts out.

DukeOEarl:  Yeah, Pain, "high" rated /t/ prolly puts out as much as those hookers from Thailand that you keep in your closet. Rimshot. But seriously folks, the /t/ea got better as it cooled, as in room temperature.  It was more crispy like a standard oolong, but then again who wants something "standard" or cold? You guys should still buy it though because they send us free money for referring buyers.

What: Honey Gold  (East Pacific Tea Co.)
How much: $14.99/oz
What kind: Oolong
Taste:  Crab :  fake crab  as  DA HONG PAO : Honey Gold
Repeat Drinkability: 5.5/10  (Takes a hit for being kinda meh...unless you drink your /t/ lukewarm like a Sally. Price doesn't really help it here either.)
Manliness: 5/10  (Lots of caffeine, like a Scarface knockoff)

1 comment:

  1. Haha, thanks for the review guys! Looking forward to what you think of the other ones. =)