Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Harney & Son's, Let's Be Friends

DukeOEarl: I'm pretty much convinced that Tea_Pain and I are going to get diabeetus, what with all the sugar and honey we consume on a daily basis, and today I learned that there is such thing as prediabeetus.  What the hell is prediabeetus?  It just sounds silly, like precancer or presyphilis.

Doctor: "I'm sorry sir, you have preAIDS."
Dude: "What?!"
Doctor: "Yes, I'm afraid it's true."
Dude: "No, no, no, what the shit is preAIDS?  Is that like HIV?"
Doctor: "I'm afraid not.  It's like postHIV except not quite full blown AIDS.  Just drink three cups of Da Hong Pao per day and you'll be cured in a month."

Tea_Pain: Speaking of PAO...

Tea_Pain: We received this tin of Pao from a Steepster swap.  We're really starting to like this idea of swaps...might have to do this way more often.

DukeOEarl: Well except for the fact that this Pao smells a bit off.  It was difficult to put a finger on the particular smell that this Pao had acquired being all tied up inside a prison of plastic and metal.  As we were steeping it, we hoped and prayed to sweet baby /T/sus that it was merely the packaging that gave it the smell of a Dow Chemical plant.  Luckily for us, the Pao prevailed after steeping.  You know how sometimes you just want to snuggle something?  Well I was snuggling my mug like it was a baby bear dragon.

Tea_Pain:  (Boo, shitty camera.) I'll admit, this isn't identical to Dobra's Da Hong Pao.  But, if there's anything this /t/ proves, it's that Pao cannot be fucked up.  It is infallible. This is the underlying lesson found in the scripture.  Enlighten us, Duke.

DukeOEarl: Yay Pain, I shall quote New /T/estament.  It saith:

Book of Oolong 19:28-30
28 Later, knowing that everything had now been finished, for he was tricked, and so that Scripture would be fulfilled, /T/sus said, “I am thirsty.”
29 A jar of pu-erh was there, so they soaked a sponge in it, put the sponge on a stalk of the hyssop plant, and lifted it to /T/sus’ lips. 
30 When he had received the drink, /T/sus said, “It is finished for I doth drink the pu-erh.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit for the pu-erh had killed him.

Book of Oolong 28:2-7 
2 And behold, there was a great earthquake; for a bear dragon of the lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the pu-erh cave, and sat on it. 
3 His countenance was like super lightning, and his fur as grizzly as a lumberjack.  And the guards shook for fear of him, and became like little girls. 
4 But the bear dragon answered and said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek /T/sus who was forced to drink the pu-erh. 
5 "He is not here; for He is risen because of the Pao, as He said.
6 “Come, see the foul cave where the Lord lay.  And go quickly and tell His disciples that He is risen from the dead, for someone poured the Pao onto Him, and indeed He is going before you into Cougar Town; there you will see Him.
7 “Behold, I have told you.  Also bring sandwiches."

Tea_Pain: Amen.  Though this isn't as good as what Dobra has to offer, Harney & Son's delivers some awesome shit here.  Multiple steeps with the strong oolong flavor put out here makes this a worthwhile substitute for the times you're too lazy to go out for /t/.  At least I can sleep easy knowing I can buy cheaper Da Hong Pao and get similar results.  My inner Jew is ecstatic.

What: Da Hong Pao  (Harney & Son's)
How much: $5 per ounce
What kind:  Oolong
Taste: Slightly more mild version of Da Hong Pao... honey completes it.
Repeat Drinkability: 9.5/10  (Youtube that shit)
Manliness: 10/10  (So manly, it saves you from the pu-erh)

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