Saturday, April 16, 2011

/T/ea and How to Please Your Woman Part 1: Petal to the Metal

DukeOEarl:  Tea_Pain and I have been talking recently about how the Blag has deviated from our original course of action, which was to discuss /t/ea and manly things like Riskopoly.  Since the Blag is awash with /t/, we decided to shift our focus to a more mingled discussion of /t/ and manly things, namely surprising and pleasing women.  What better way is there to please your woman than with rose petals?  Or a rose petal /t/...

Tea_Pain:  Yeah it's like giving candy to a baby who loves candy.  Or giving out free coupons to Old Country Buffet to fat people. I mean, think about women and flowers.  They eat that shit up. Why? It's a mystery to everybody.  And damn it, girls like some fucking mysteries.  Let's say I want some lovin from Dart Girl, but this time, I don't want it to be drunk sex. I want it to be special.  So I buy some cheap roses and have her come home to some flower petals on her bed.  Dart Girl probably says to herself "I don't remember murdering a rose bush in my bed today."  And from there you pop out of the closet like you're Chris Hansen and Dart Girl'll be all over that.

DukeOEarl: Yeah, but when she is good to go because of your supreme manliness and the suaveness you poured on like bacon syrup on mancakes, she'll say she has to go to the bathroom.  In the mean time, you can throw on your robe and wizard hat.

Anyway, on to the /t/!  Before steeping, it was like a citrusy, flowery scratch-n-sniff sticker.  It smelled like the garden section of Home Depot in the summertime minus the microwaved burrito smell you get as you walk by the employees.  After steeping it was bitter like an Earl Grey, perhaps more bitter.  Definitely flowery.

Tea_Pain:  I actually thought the rose flavor wasn't overpowering.  In fact, this /t/ was pretty enjoyable.  I've had /t/s before that tasted like echinacea and I wanted to rip out my esophagus.  The /t/ was bitter but I didnt pick up on it as much as Duke.  Not much caffeine here, but the /t/ lasts at least 3-4 steeps.  I guess this is what you get for putting flowers in your tea instead of on top of a love mattress.

What: Chinese Rose Petal Tea (The Tea Table)
How much: $2.30 per oz
What kind: Black - Rose
Taste: Like a holocaust of flowery proportions
Repeat Drinkability: 6/10 (Like a breakfast /t/ with training wheels for your own special Dart Girl)
Manliness: 2/10 (If roses are manly, you can call me Sally)

Read Part 2 here. 
Read Part 3 here. 

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