Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The best ride at Epcot is the one where they take your walle/t/

Last week, I received a shipment of tea from a ladyfriend in Seattle.  Well at least the shipment was from Seattle.  I can't imagine trying to grow tea there, what with all the hipsters.  The tea would never get harvested because all the potential workers would still be reliving the 90's and putting their time in at food co-ops.

Anyway, one of the /t/'s is apparently not from a Seattle store.  It's from Disney World.  Now that the copyright of Mickey Mouse is safe until 2023, Disney can focus on the important things, like blending tea...what, really?  Disney blends tea?  Anything to squeeze an extra dollar out of unsuspecting moms taking their bratty little kids to Epcot.  It's surprising that there aren't little mouse heads in the tea, though that might taste bad...

So the /t/ of choice today is the (alleged) Apricot Ginger from Mickey's Pantry in Disney World.  I would attach a link to the website, if there was one.  Alas, you can only buy this /t/ if you've paid the $32.29 per ticket to get into Epcot.  If that's not wallet rape, I don't know what is.  I mean you might as well just hand them your credit cards and your check book while you ask politely, "Why don't you serve beer here?  If you're taking my wallet, I'd at least like a beer."

Now that your wallet is gone and the wife has run off with the kids and you've lost all hope that there is a bar hiding somewhere in Disney World, you just ride Space Mountain all day to feel like you're drunk...IN SPACE.  Eventually you give up and start walking aimlessly around, being accosted by an Ariel lookalike several times who wants to flounder with you, when you notice that they sell swords.  "I love swords!" you say.  But as you go to buy one, you remember that they took your wallet and your wife has the kids, so you can't trade one of your kids for the sword.  In a fit of immeasurable depression, you go back to the hotel and fall asleep to Gilligan's Island reruns.

The next morning, you wake up to a wonderful peach smell and find out that your wife bought some Apricot Ginger tea the day before, while taking the kids around the park (remember, they only took your wallet, not hers).  The delicious peach aroma reminded you of a time back in college when you made some epic peach hard tea, while simultaneously offending half the world with apartheid jokes (who does that?).  Unfortunately, the taste wasn't nearly as good--much more bitter and somewhat dusty.  And you notice that there isn't much taste other than peach/apricot, i.e. no ginger.  But you chug-a-lug three pots anyway.

Satisfied and feeling much less depressed after your delicious encounter with a new, albeit familiar friend, you tell your wife to rest at the hotel while you go back to Epcot sans-wallet with your kids to get those swords that you missed yesterday.

What: Apricot Ginger (The Spice & Tea Exchange in Mickey's Pantry - Disney World)
How much: Probably your first born son because everything at Disney World costs that much
What kind: Black - Apricot
Taste: Like a peach schnapps flashback
Repeat Drinkability: 8/10 (Resteeping produces very similar flavoring to the first steep, impressive for a flavored /t/)
Manliness: 4/10 (Apricots? Really? Plus points for being a black /t/)

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