Thursday, April 28, 2011

Lichee Congou in Paradise

Wellp. Madison's weather can go eat all the dicks.  It's almost May and we've had maybe 2-3 days above 60ºF here.  It's been overcast, humid, and just above the point where "socks and sandals" are allowed. Oh hey, that describes fucking TODAY. Or England, the Seattle of Europe. Fuck it, I need /t/.

SimplyJenW really liked us, apparently.  On a scale from one to /t/, we're not even half-done with what she sent us.  Because this weather sucks more than not having frozen pizzas on a daily basis, I decided to try one of her more "exotic" samples.  I took my shirt off, turned the heat up to 75, and blasted some Jimmy Buffett while I brewed up some "Lichee Congou".

Wait, for serious? Lichee's from Japan. Aw-awwwww.  And The Tea Table didn't even spell it right?  Fuck me sideways, I gotta go put my shirt on and read up on how to spot Godzilla (other than looking up).

I unwrapped the sample and was immediately held down and nose-raped.  Ok, I kinda liked it...and I was asking for it...maybe it wasn't rape after all.  But I digress. The sickeningly sweet smell of Smarties-enhanced, black tea came right at me.  I sniffed it so much that my sense of smell died and I could barely smell anything post-brew.  I had to leave the room and eat some bacon quick to revive my senses.  When I came back, my room smelled like a podunk Goodwill: old perfume mixed with dust.  I admit, the dust was probably Dart girl's fault.  Usually she cleans my room and makes me sandwiches, but she's been slacking off due to exams and shit.

I finally took a swig and, well, it's a little lacking until the aftertaste kicks in.  A good example of this to you regular folk is like drinking bad scotch.  You drink the scotch, you are indifferent about the flavor because you're an alcoholic, and then you get a decent burn as it destroys your esophagus.  The /t/ also gave off the feeling of being sweet on the tongue without actually tasting sweet.  In fact, it was more "tart" than sweet.  The tartness went a little further and made my mouth dry and my throat pretty scratchy.  I felt like I swallowed sandpaper, except the sandpaper had a floral design and smelled like potpourri.  Other than "tart", though, I couldn't say this /t/ had outstanding flavors (like lichee has, apparently).  Neither has anyone else.

I took this /t/ about 3 steeps before it started disintegrating in our gaiwan.  But Tea_Pain, why would you go so deep if you didn't like it?  For shits, I really just wanted to see if anything came out of the woodwork.  Also, that's what she said. It didn't get better taste-wise, but I could feel the tartness wearing off.  I think this /t/ could go well with the blueberry rooibos, but why taint something when it's already amazing?

So...the fate of this /t/... Since it tastes like some sort of tisane, I'm sure girls would love this shit.  I won't make Dart girl drink it as I've already instructed her to never drink bad /t/ without consulting me.  But if some rando comes up and dry humps me on the street because she wants some /t/, this might do the job.  Stay classy, Madison.

What: Lichee Congou  (The Tea Table)
How much: $2/oz
What kind: Black - Lichee berry
Taste: Fran Drescher, it irritates everything.
Repeat Drinkability:  3.5/10  (Quantity over quality can backfire. Who knew?)
Manliness: 2/10  (The PT Cruiser of /t/)

1 comment:

  1. Ha! This is too funny. I have to agree about the Smarties smell.