Saturday, June 25, 2011

SPONSOR: The dragonwell dries up

Even though we got one in the mail a looooong time ago, we still have yet to review a Dragonwell /t/.  And, well...  Duke is said to be back in the very near future after being released from JFK's detention center.  Apparently he and about 90 other passengers were stranded on a plane and so he started a kid-fighting ring to help entertain the passengers.  Think this, but with 2 year olds and parents screaming at them like they were losing a game of tee-ball.  According to Queens PD, what Duke did was illegal and, while he continued to state both children were fighting in self-defense, he had to stick it out for a couple days in a county jail and pay a fine.

Back to the point I was getting at before: Duke isn't the biggest fan of green /t/.  So I thought, before he gets back, why not review one kind I've been trying to review for awhile?  As the last /t/ they thrust upon our blag, BTC gave us a solid hundo of their Dragonwell.  Dear caffeine receptors, I am going to destroy you the only way the Chinese know how.  Let us begin.

Well, the /t/ looks like grass clippings.  As appetizing as that sounds, I hoped it would exceed my primary expectations.  Upon opening the bag and inhaling like I was huffing paint, I was instantly reminded of a previous green /t/ that smelled like cranberries.  I took another couple sniffs and found something extra: whole wheat bread....huh.  That should be... good?  I brewed it up and compared the smells to find all pleasantries of the dry had given way to absolutely wet nastiness.  What was once fragrant and full-bodied now stood in front of me as thin and smelling of pea soup.  Much like a 5 in a dark nightclub, I eventually warmed up to it as it began giving off the normal green /t/ scent every person who has ever had green /t/ can affiliate with said beverage.

Look at that...might as well have made this /t/ out of kelp.  Probs would have tasted better.  What started off as a thinner variety of boiled vegetables eventually gave way to a very distinct green /t/ taste.  Of all the /t/s BTC gave us, I'd have to say this tasted like it'd be most "artificial".  It was too spot on with the general green /t/ flavor that it seemed fake, say, like the uncanny valley of /t/.  The aftertaste was sweet and pretty dry (see cran-/t/).  Actually, pretty sure this dragon has cottonmouth.  Though little evidence has been presented, that other green /t/ we mentioned above may have just been a dragonwell in disguise.  If you like strong green /t/, by all means hit this up.  However, I can think of plenty other /t/s BTC offers that are better than this brew.  Thanks to Dragonwell, we can now prove BTC is somewhat mortal (and there was much rejoicing).

What: Dragonwell  (Boston Tea Co.)
How much:  $2.25/oz
What kind: Green
Taste: Green /t/ concentrate, served warm
Repeat Drinkability: 4/10  (Are you struggling for foreign clientele? Need to impress some Chinese businessmen on their way to your local brothel? If you answered no to either of these questions, you probably don't need to drink this on a regular basis.)
Manliness: 8/10  ( this is what steeping the Jolly Green Giant's jockstrap tastes like.)

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