Saturday, June 11, 2011

SPONSOR: Boston's cherry just got pwnd

So, I took the advice of Rebecca Black and had so many "fun's" last night that I didn't wake up until 2 PM.  Success!  So what'd I do while I waited on Dart girl to get done with work?  I told my hangover to shut the fuck up and take it like a champ.  As I tried to piece together what happened between a dozen pulls of Kraken and making a 5 mile trek home on a bike, I went and got me a bag of /t/.  As is usual during my mid-hangover fluid binge, I wondered longingly, "What would late-80's hair band Warrant drink?"  Due to budget constraints and a jealous female, I cannot afford their answer. Instead, I had to settle for the similarly-named, less fake-titted /t/ from our sponsor, Sweet Cherry White.

I cracked the seal on this /t/ and I think that I probably would've eaten this had I been drunk at that moment in time.  About a quarter of the bag is dried cranberries and raspberries (cleverly flavored as cherries).  Come on Boston, if you're gonna give cherries all the credit here, might as well throw one or two into the batch.  At least then you can say there are actual cherries in here.  The smell in the bag came off as being really dry and dusty, but tart and fruity.  Something similar to an antique shop that only sells cinnamon bark and Christmas ornaments.  Most pronounced was the scent of dried raspberries mingling with the cranberries.  No cherry or /t/ scent to speak of. I personally thought this /t/ was having an identity crisis.  Yay uncomfortability-with-being-one's-self-itis, hopefully you don't make an underwhelming /t/ like many other whites.

With my blurry vision, I whipped up some barely boiling water to brew the /t/ and set forth on my mission to see why it is they actually call this "Sweet Cherry White" and not "I'm A Foster Child".  I took another whiff after the brew had settled and, I'll be honest, I got a completely different view of where this /t/ was going.  No longer was cherry the little bitch in the background.  Now, it was right out front in some sort of flat vanilla-cherry cola smell, with a much larger amount of "fake cherry" (see: Runts before they got rid of all the good flavors).  Other than that, I couldn't really point out anything else.  /T/ was still absent in all of this.

I'll also add that I think I might have over-brewed the /t/ by a minute-ish.  I called up Warrant again and asked them, "Will a white /t/ ever taste 'burnt'?"  They made it clear that I was asking a dumb question.  I understood why they threatened me with death by leather after I tasted it.  I can actually say that this is the first white /t/ with a bold flavor, albeit because of the "natural" cherry flavor.  The other berries in there definitely helped make the brew seem more realistic in the taste department by bringing in some tartness, but for those of you looking for that delicate white /t/ taste profile... miiiight want to look elsewhere.  At the very least, I can say this /t/ was sweet enough to be pleasant without being overbearing.  I easily downed almost 3 liters of this before realizing I was going on my 3rd steep, which is about right for a white /t/.  I could see myself drinking this errday if there was a bit more punch in the flavor department.  Adding more /t/ might solve the problem and will have to happen in the future.

What: Sweet Cherry White  (Boston Tea Co.)
How much: $5.40/oz
What kind:  White - Cherry
Taste: See- New Glarus Belgian Red.
Repeat Drinkability: 8.5/10  (Like drinking watered down Cherry Coke.)
Manliness: 2/10  (About as manly as buying anything with the word "candle" on it)

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