Thursday, June 16, 2011

SPONSOR: /T/anorexia

Ok, men.  There comes a time in every man's life when he has to drink and type. Or drive. Or do something dangerous under the influence of alcohol to prove that he is worthy of owning testicles. So, being the intoxicated reviewer that I am, I need to drink something so this hangover doesn't affect my interning abilities in the morning.  Oh shit, BTC sent me a black /t/, best known for their hangover-destroying characteristics.
"Ceylon Symphony", ey?  "Bright and Lively...Wonderful...The", ey?  According to these descriptives, I am about to become the world's peppiest Battlestar Galactica character. The joy inside me simply cannot wait to explode out of my dimples. /T/sus, grab me a fricken mug and let's MAN UP.

Look at alllllll that dust.  And the /t/ has yet another descriptive word- "delicate".  A ceylon, delicate? Really? A delicate black /t/ is like saying, "Oh ya, Raper John fooled around with a poodle or two in his day and then sold them to the Thai restaurant when he was done with them. Cool guy."  My main point... it's just not that common.  Also, I hope that dust doesn't make its way into the /t/ or else I'm gonna be drinking soup.

As I am American and have visited the south at least once in my life, I know exactly what sweet /t/ is.  The smell of diabetus on ice wafts through the boondocks of South Carolina, et al., as if it was the scent sponsoring racial prejudice.  So when I opened this bag of /t/, I quickly imagined scenes out of Mississippi Burning and thought, "Hey, there's even a hint of STRAWBERRY!" (remember..."peppy").  Much like the other BTC /t/s I've had, these were pretty pleasant to just stick my nose in like a drug-sniffing K9 dog who likes his job too much.  But I forced myself to continue on so that my temples would throb half as much as they should in the morning.

Smells like...broccoli and...meh-itis infected black /t/.  The taste isn't too far from average either for a black /t/. And yes, my leg is slightly tapping away from a moderate amount of caffeine.  I imagine 2-3 steeps wouldn't be hard for this /t/ to brew through.  Yaaaaaay! BTC is, in fact, human! I finally found a flaw (albeit small) in their /t/!  "Bright"? Eh.  "Lively"? Um... "Delicate"? Well...wait...what the hell just happened in my mouth?  That was... different.  So, being familiar with all sorts of /t/, I can say this has never happened before.  Tea_Pain has gained enough experience and leveled up to Lvl. 20; he has learned:  TEXTURE.

(I think this is around the time I began to sober up.)

I have never felt something  I would try, no, fight against my mug to get big gulps of /t/.  I would have the feeling that, yes, there was a lot of /t/ in my mouth.  Then I would drink it... and there was literally nothing going down.  Duke's gonna have a field day with this until he tries it, but this /t/ is like flavored lube for drinking water.  Everything just goes down REALLY smooth.  The /t/ is extremely thin, and the novelty of drinking it definitely increases some of the ratings below.

BTC, you're onto something here.  Sure, it might not be outstanding in taste or smell or appearance but... let me put it this way: remember the first time you saw Alyson Hannigan in American Pie telling her story about flute fucking and thus COMPLETELY blowing your mind as to how hot she was compared to about...2 minutes ago?  If not, see the above review for feelings similar to said situation.  This /t/ was cured of meh-itis through means of intrigue. I rest my case.

What:  Ceylon Symphony  (Boston Tea Co.)
How much: $2.25/oz
What kind: Black - Ceylon
Taste: Just your average, loose leaf black /t/
Repeat Drinkability: 7.5/10 (The novelty of feel makes this /t/ infinitely more enjoyable)
Manliness: 4/10 (This is like an English Breakfast /t/ trapped in the body of a starving Ethiopian)

PS- I would like to thank Google Chrome for its auto-correct function.  Without it, this would look like my first language was Khoisan.

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