Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Watch out Taylor Swif/t/ I just cleaned my shotgun

Soon Taylor Swift will be my wife.  I've got the wedding materials ready: one shotgun, one priest, and one redneck to scream "YEEEEEHAAAAA!" Actually, that reminds me.  Tea_Pain is out of town teaching little African children about electricity and the Western ways of marriage, so I'm gonna do another review.  In honor of Tea_Pain's trip to Cairo, Ethiopia I will be drinking a classic South Asian tea, Rooibos.

Actually Rooibos is South African.  Yeah I didn't know there was a difference either.   It is also know as bush tea because the broom-like bush that it is picked from and because that's what they call the region of Australia in which it grows.  Imagine it lions probably pissed all over it as it was growing.  I mean what other water is there in the Mohave Desert?

Holy.  Fuck.

I'm drinking tea grown from lion piss!  That must be why it tastes so god damn good.  Or it could be because I'm sick and I can't taste anything.  Well this lion tea should kick the shit out of my cold.  I guess it's better than drinking.......well I was gonna say beer cause that's the only other thing I drink, but there's really nothing better than beer.  Anyway, since there's no caffeine, I can't see myself drinking it that often even though it tasted like African Christmas.

The taste is rather hard to describe.  It's a bit dusty and earthy, in a good way, and its taste is more like black tea than like your typical herbal tea.  This unique taste is probably based upon the specific lion that pissed on the bush.  OMG what if a bear and a lion had baby and that baby pissed on that bush.  Best.  Tea.  Evar.

What: Rooibos (Generic Loose-leaf OMGRLY???!!!!)
How much: $.85 per oz
What kind: Herbal - Red
Taste: Like John Wayne's boots, steeped in water
Repeat Drinkability: 6/10
Manliness: 7/10 (minus points for being herbal and a lack of caffeine, plus points for LION PISS)


P.S. - Tea_Pain will be back soon.  Here is a picture of my future wife to tide you over.

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