Thursday, January 13, 2011

Seriously... Pomegranates. How do they work?

I am currently travelling across the state of Wisconsin. Why do I do this? Because it's cold, snowy, and I like walking around shirtless or in ungodly amounts of flannel. Yes, I'm somewhat disappointed that this state can't support its own tea industry, but I survive.

Today, I figured that since my voice sounded like shit coming out of a meat grinder, that I would tell my throat to MAN UP! Sadly, my host only had, you guessed it, more herbal teas. I chose the Strawberry Pomegranate Rooibos tea from Stash. At first, I was impressed, the color slowly took the form of blood, like I had taken a field of fruit and slaughtered it like my enemies so that I may quench my thirst. Like the title suggests though, I still have no idea what makes pomegranates so great. They taste like watered-down crystal light and take about as much time to eat as one of Duke's pudding fart movies, but still, girls gobble this shit up.

Now, have you ever drank water? Have you ever drank RED water? Well kudos, you have just described this tea. I kept the /t/ bag in the brew for the entirety of this drink. What came of this? More red, no flavor. Sure it smelled like some sugary sap from the heavens, but in reality it was so extremely subtle in flavor that you'd think you were drinking hot water. "But Tea_Pain, girls love gentle things like kittens, bunnies, and lightly flavored beverages!" Yeah? Well at least you can make Chinese food and stews out of the first two. Still, you know what makes guys manly? Getting girls. So to embrace this tea means that you will be embracing women later. Repeatedly. In 5 minute bursts.

I'm kinda disappointed with this rooibos blend. Usually they're pretty pleasant and tangy /t/eas. If anything, I got a hint of sweetness in the background. It's kinda like taking your woman to the mall, buying her $hit tons of shoes, and then realizing that she actually looks pretty hot in those throwaway stockings. You want to be happy with your purchase but you realize you could've been just as well off doing nothing. Those shoes are just as much trinkets as diabetes is to a McDonald's fanatic and disappointment is to a liberal arts major.

What: Strawberry Pomegranate Red Tea (Rooibos) (Stash)
How much: $0.18 per bag on the Stash website.
What kind: Rooibos- herbal
Taste: where? maybe a 2/10
Repeat Drinkability: 2/10
Manliness: 3/10 (looks like thinned out B-movie blood)