I know what you're thinking. Should I wear the blue shirt or the red shirt for New Years Eve. You're debating the colors because it's still close to Christmas, so red still works. However the blue shirt is guaranteed to get you laid because its worked in the past.

Forget about it. You're not getting laid on NYE because you smell like the Doritos you spill on yourself everyday, and no girl wants to go back to your mom's place.  The only love you're getting is from Jill (your right hand).

I know what you're gonna say. "Duke, I use my left hand; I'm left-handed." Bullshit. No one is left handed. That's a myth propagated by children with cerebral palsy who weren't lucky enough to be killed at a young age like the left-handed kids.  You lying SOBs can wear either shirt and see if anyone gives a fuck.  I'll just pour my tea on it anyway.

So I'm finally in a bad mood again, thanks to direct infusion of black tea into my system.  Two days of assam and darjeeling therapy have washed all but trace amounts of herbal tea from my system.  OMGDARJEELINGREVIEW. Please. I'll save that one for when me and Tea_Pain get back from the North Pole with enough baby seal blubber. Today you get to hear about a staple black tea, Tazo Awake. 

Awake is nothing special, but it's also not total pissass.  As the package says "Lolz melange of black teas n stuffs." It certainly is Timmy.  Awake is like the two-buck chuck of tea.  Its a blend of various black teas like two-buck is a blend of various grapes.  "WHAT? THEY BLEND GRAPES?" Yes Timmy.  It makes different shitty grapes taste better.  You can make decent wine out of any crappy grapes because the flavors become homogeneous.  "Herrpa durrrr what's homogeneous mean?"  Essentially the shit gets spread out instead of being a big chunky pile in the middle of Tea_Pain's bedroom carpet last Halloween.  The point is that Awake is solid, and it's cheap enough.  It gets the job done just like two-buck chuck gets girls to forget how ugly you are.

Minus manliness for having French on the package.  Go take a shower you frogs.  You smell like Lipton.

What: Awake (Tazo)
How much: $6 per box (24 bags)
What kind: Black - blend
Taste: Like good tea blended with water from a dish rag
Repeat Drinkability: 7.5/10
Manliness: 5.5/10 (this is Amurrica you speak Anglish)