Saturday, July 9, 2011

SPONSOR: The Stanky Leg, The Bernie, and now...

We're kinda mixing it up right now since we have 2 sponsors at once. We received a couple /t/s from The Tea and Jazz House after giving them some input on their new website.  Wait, you mean their /t/s are all named after jazzy people?  But I took a class on jazz musicians and only "Cole" pops out (notice how it has rooibos from AFRICA and CHOCOLATE, lolol), how are we supposed to drink based off our musical needs?  Easy. We chose the /t/ with random-ass names.  For instance, "The Krall", which I thought was probably a dance made up in low-income nightclubs in Atlanta.

First off, aesthetically, the tin is pretty toned down and simplistic: stainless steel with some laminated labels.  Looks like some guy just went to his label maker and slapped a couple on and shipped em out... not that that's bad or anything.  Once you open the container, you realize that physics has been bended.  The speed of smell far outpaces the speed of light and, for once, Stephen Hawking makes sense.  The smell is nearly to the point of overbearing sweetness.  Instead of the expected apple and pear smell, I was instead nasally assaulted by berries dunked in corn syrup with a honey glaze.  It's a stretch, but I guess this could be similar to a fruit cup, extra syrup.  Those chunks in there, after a personal taste test, were definitely pear-like and were still chewy.  Ok /t/, I'm expecting good things out of you. Shut up and get in the boiling water!

Upon steeping the /t/sus out of it, the /t/ resembled fresh morning piss.  Luckily, my only getting 4 hours of sleep last night has caused my brain to think that drinking a liquid in this shade of yellow probably isn't that big of a deal. All I could taste in this was pears.  So many pears.  Not apples or green /t/, just lots and lots of pears.  This also left a caustic feeling on my tongue after the first few sips, similar to eating an entire pineapple in one sitting.  And though this /t/ isn't as sweet as the smell intends it to be, it is still naturally sweet.  Think...partially artificially sweetened pear juice... but with caffeine.  Feed that to your kids, soccer moms.  You'll be begging for concealed carry.

After the first steep, anything positive I had to say about this /t/ had left. Ever get those cravings where you need to eat an apple at least twice a day for a week until you're sick of them?  I think it's called "scurvy".  Ya, well, that "sick of them" feeling was emitted by the /t/ in the second steep, and it was sick of me putting it on a fucking pedestal.  It's rare for us to see /t/ lose so much after one steep unless it's bagged.  But for one that was really good to go really bad that quickly is kinda a shame.  If you're looking to make a solid batch of /t/, go with a big first steep.  If you're looking to make fake piss... well... here's your recipe.

What: The Krall  (The Tea and Jazz House)
How much: $2-4/oz
What kind: Green - Apple, Pear
Taste: Canned pears covered in a cinnabon glaze with a single leaf of /t/, otherwise known to pastry chefs as "The fat vegan"
Repeat Drinkability: 8/10 (Would be higher if it handled multiple steeps better, but having that drastic of a drop in flavor costs points)
Manliness: 6/10  (...but only because it's the /t/ equivalent of chloroform. Happy first dates, everybody)

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