Saturday, July 2, 2011

Pirates would love this tea if...

...if it had more grog in it.

Tea_Pain and I are in the middle of a divorce.  Because of the Dart girl incident.  It's funny cause his film shows more of my ass than anything remotely related to heterosexual intercourse.  We're not fighting over the cheating or the videotaping.  Basically, I'm trying to get him to go to film school cause he sucks.  And he doesn't want to go.  What a baby.  I offered him my left tit to suckle, and he said he wanted a divorce.  My answer: "Bring it fatty."
And now for something completely different: tea.  Specifically, Harney & Sons Organic Green Tea is on the menu today.

Recently, I acquired several handfuls of Harney & Sons tea.  Unfortunately, one of those teas was green.  Green tea tastes like grass water.  We're about doing things honestly here at the Blag, so we have to review the green teas too.

Guess what?  This stuff smelled like lemons.  Straight up.  Do you know who likes lemons?  Pirates.  Why?  Because then they don't get scurvy.  This is pirate tea.  And it tasted like lemons too.  The green tea flavor was more of a background, like the wall in a museum; it merely provided a complementary background to the tasty painting of the lemon.  Or to use a Pirate metaphor, the lemon flavor was like the Keira Knightly of Pirates of the Caribbean.

Upsides to this tea: you probably won't get scurvy, giving you plenty of time to plunder for booty.  Or you could just videotape someone's ass.

What: Organic Green Tea (Harney & Sons)
How much: $0.33 per bag
What kind: Green - Lemony
Taste: Like a helicopter filled with lemon meringue pies crashed into my face
Repeat Drinkability: 8/10 (Drink it for the citric acid, just like the British navy)
Manliness: 2.5/10 (As manly as pirates arrrrrre, green tea is like a great pink skirt)

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