No Touchy Dee Mango

So I've had this /t/ in my inventory and it's needed to be reviewed since we began the blag. Due to baseball officially starting back up today, I didn't have a whole lot of time to get up from my 8 fantasy teams and all the live streams of games I had going. To make life easy, I brewed some up.

Is this the Yogi Bear of /T/ea?

After class today, I decided to try a /t/ea that I g-snatched from my sister a while ago.  It seemed worth a try, being called Aztec Sweet Chili by Yogi.  It also had a long list of interesting herbal ingredients.  As a plus, I could potentially make a Yogi Bear reference.  So is this the Yogi Bear of /t/ea?

Disregard Flowers, Acquire Real /T/

Tea_Pain: A while back, Woot had a deal where you could buy a new /t/pot and 36 /t/'s (4 different green's and Earl Grey) for about $25, all from Primula. I was intrigued. This was one of the better deals I had seen on this /t/ bundle so I decided, why the hell not, and bought in. About a week later, the contents arrived at my door... that event happened about 6 weeks ago. Since then, only the pot had been used (most recently in our latest Bigelow post) and the flowering /t/ was left sitting in a large box, waiting to be unwrapped. Since there are few loose leaf /t/s we have around, Duke and I decided it was finally time to experience something just as feminine as pu erh: flowering /t/.

Bigelow Strikes Again

Tea_Pain: So I decided that pissass probably isn't the right candidate to represent all of Bigelow. Plus, when your parental units get you one of these on a whim, you are pretty much forced to drink it, reviewing or not. Anyway, I took the most reviewable candidate I could think of out of the MEGAJUG- Vanilla Caramel.

Vegas: In Minor Detail

DukeOEarl: So the story actually starts in the Madison airport. As me and T_ were waiting for our flight to some airport that was not Las Vegas, a group of frat bros and sorostitutes came and sat next to us. I swear to /T/sus there is nothing more mind numbing than the conversations between those two groups of people.

I turned my music up.

Dragon Ball /T/

Gosh golly Vegas was fun. Super unproductive, but fun. Unfortunately, the night we got back, I was kept awake by a pair of rabbits fucking their brains out. We'll call them Zea_Pain and Fart Girl so their identities are safe. I mean these rabbits were just screaming and humping so loud that I thought the Jungle Book 2 was being filmed in the next room. The next morning, I decided to get back at them for keeping me up late, so I turned on this "music" in my room (to volume 11), locked my door from the outside, and left my apartment. Needless to say, they got about an hour of ear-destroying, loud dubstep for an hour before my computer went to sleep, and I probably won't have to hear those fake orgasms at 2 am anymore.

C/T/G Presents: Bear Grylls Approved

So...this was actually somewhat unexpected. The C/T/G had a new oolong in stock called "Ben Shan", to honor the lesser-known brother of Jackie Chan. We decided to get a sample to review and a sample for a fan of ours out in Pittsburgh (we will be delivering some of the Blueberry Rooibos too since it can't be found outside Wisconsin). Tony, the head of C/T/G, messaged us and I'll semi-quote him here, "Scumbag /T/eablag. Sees free shipping, orders two samples." Tony, thank you for being a fellow troll. So while Duke and I were in Vegas gettin our drank on, the package arrived and, as you can see by our blag, we didn't really have many new posts along the way. When we came back, I saw the package from C/T/G at our door (people of Madison, thank you for not stealing our shit) and got pretty pumped to get one more review in. After we opened the package we saw one sample...

C/T/G Presents: Puri/t/

Tea_Pain: For our final /t/ from our sponsor, we decided to review the Zealong Pure last. We've heard some good reviews already about this stuff and, personally, I've been looking forward to it since I am a HUGE fan of oolongs.

C/T/G Presents: Stab Happy

Apparently Charlie Sheen is a /t/ drinker. Maybe he's not as batshit insane as everybody makes him out to be. I mean, he single-handedly got 2 & A Half Men cancelled. If anything, Charlie's a saint. #Winning

C/T/G Presents: If Bear Grylls Drank /T/ It Would Not Be This /T/

So I went to Google to find out more about this Wu Yu tea that I'm reviewing.  It basically told me that I'm stupid and it's called Wu Yi.  Whatever.  Fuck off Google.  I'm sure China /T/oga Garage spelled it rite.  I also found out that "Wu Yi" tea was/is at the center of an epic fad diet.  It always makes me laugh when fat people think that they can lose weight by means other than diet moderation and exercise.

C/T/G Presents: The Ice Wine of /T/

Yesterday, I was heading out to a rave, when Tea_Pain told me that he had a date with Dart Girl (the one that looks like my January Jones).  That's fantastic. Would you like a cookie?  Then he told me it was yesterday night, and he would not be going to the rave.  The.  Hell.  He also told me that I wasn't supposed to be drinking in my condition.  Yeah about three doctors told me that too.  They can all eat it.  Anyway he missed a ridiculous party.  Everyone was all kinds of drunk.  There was some nasty beats and thus Matrix 2 orgy dancing.

Wrath of the Iron Goddess Part 2: Duke's Recount

So I woke up in the hospital, in the ER no less, unable to speak without sounding like someone put rocks in my mouth. The nurse tells me I have a pretty epic concussion and that I need to take it easy. Well "Take It Easy" is my favorite Eagles song so I'm cool with that. The best part was that I couldn't remember shit. It was like OVER 9000 blackouts combined. I was thinking to myself, I can't wait til Tea_Pain gets here to tell me what happened.

CTG Presents: The /T/ Is Now Diamonds

DukeOEarl: It feels good to be able to type in English again instead of Spanish. I still have some symptoms, but overall it's better than what could've transpired. I'll fill you in on what very little I remember in a few days. And now we're sponsored apparently? I don't remember selling out like a bitch. Tea_Pain are we getting paid for this? And wtf is a Chicago Tea Garden? Is that like a rooftop weed greenhouse? Like is this guy growing tea/weed in some Baghdad hovel on the South Side? Well fuck me. It looks like someone shaved a llama and put the hair in a tea tin. Tea_Pain we're in for a surprise.

C/T/G Presents: Shots!

Seeing that we received so many /t/s from Chicago /T/ Garden, I say we start it off like we'd start any other day: BREAKFAST. Enter Keemun Hao Ya, a black /t/ that is said to be the "Chinese Breakfast Tea". Since when do they get breakfast? I thought they had iPods and male children to make. Time is money, China. CTG also sent us a gaiwan to steep this stuff in. I assume that since China is so crowded, they barely have enough room for french presses or tea kettles, thus, they bust out one of these babies: