C/T/G Presents: Bear Grylls Approved

So...this was actually somewhat unexpected. The C/T/G had a new oolong in stock called "Ben Shan", to honor the lesser-known brother of Jackie Chan. We decided to get a sample to review and a sample for a fan of ours out in Pittsburgh (we will be delivering some of the Blueberry Rooibos too since it can't be found outside Wisconsin). Tony, the head of C/T/G, messaged us and I'll semi-quote him here, "Scumbag /T/eablag. Sees free shipping, orders two samples." Tony, thank you for being a fellow troll. So while Duke and I were in Vegas gettin our drank on, the package arrived and, as you can see by our blag, we didn't really have many new posts along the way. When we came back, I saw the package from C/T/G at our door (people of Madison, thank you for not stealing our shit) and got pretty pumped to get one more review in. After we opened the package we saw one sample...

C/T/G Presents: Puri/t/

Tea_Pain: For our final /t/ from our sponsor, we decided to review the Zealong Pure last. We've heard some good reviews already about this stuff and, personally, I've been looking forward to it since I am a HUGE fan of oolongs.

C/T/G Presents: Stab Happy

Apparently Charlie Sheen is a /t/ drinker. Maybe he's not as batshit insane as everybody makes him out to be. I mean, he single-handedly got 2 & A Half Men cancelled. If anything, Charlie's a saint. #Winning

C/T/G Presents: If Bear Grylls Drank /T/ It Would Not Be This /T/

So I went to Google to find out more about this Wu Yu tea that I'm reviewing.  It basically told me that I'm stupid and it's called Wu Yi.  Whatever.  Fuck off Google.  I'm sure China /T/oga Garage spelled it rite.  I also found out that "Wu Yi" tea was/is at the center of an epic fad diet.  It always makes me laugh when fat people think that they can lose weight by means other than diet moderation and exercise.

C/T/G Presents: The Ice Wine of /T/

Yesterday, I was heading out to a rave, when Tea_Pain told me that he had a date with Dart Girl (the one that looks like my January Jones).  That's fantastic. Would you like a cookie?  Then he told me it was yesterday night, and he would not be going to the rave.  The.  Hell.  He also told me that I wasn't supposed to be drinking in my condition.  Yeah about three doctors told me that too.  They can all eat it.  Anyway he missed a ridiculous party.  Everyone was all kinds of drunk.  There was some nasty beats and thus Matrix 2 orgy dancing.

CTG Presents: The /T/ Is Now Diamonds

DukeOEarl: It feels good to be able to type in English again instead of Spanish. I still have some symptoms, but overall it's better than what could've transpired. I'll fill you in on what very little I remember in a few days. And now we're sponsored apparently? I don't remember selling out like a bitch. Tea_Pain are we getting paid for this? And wtf is a Chicago Tea Garden? Is that like a rooftop weed greenhouse? Like is this guy growing tea/weed in some Baghdad hovel on the South Side? Well fuck me. It looks like someone shaved a llama and put the hair in a tea tin. Tea_Pain we're in for a surprise.

C/T/G Presents: Shots!

Seeing that we received so many /t/s from Chicago /T/ Garden, I say we start it off like we'd start any other day: BREAKFAST. Enter Keemun Hao Ya, a black /t/ that is said to be the "Chinese Breakfast Tea". Since when do they get breakfast? I thought they had iPods and male children to make. Time is money, China. CTG also sent us a gaiwan to steep this stuff in. I assume that since China is so crowded, they barely have enough room for french presses or tea kettles, thus, they bust out one of these babies:

Duke Stabilizes and Thank You /T/sus

Sorry about the lack of an update today (hence why I am writing this late at night). I was busy helping Duke not fall down stairs and trying to make him remember dart girl so that he could tell me how manly my number-getting skills are. And if you're wondering about dart girl, it's been almost 3 days since I first talked to her. Therefore, I will be texting her tomorrow sometime about "things" and "stuff", as per man law.

Also, some of our followers on Twatter already know, but we recently hooked another sponsorship. Jackpot?

In. Fucking. Deed.

This place pretty much spoiled us rotten. We're talking "every day is Steak and a Blowjob Day"-spoiled. So over the next 2-ish weeks you'll be seeing a lot of what Chicago has to offer outside of Michael Jordan, a 108-floor Sears store, and a haven for out-of-state politicians. If you want a little more info on Chicago Tea Garden, check out the twitter. I hear their /t/ has about as much testosterone in it as half a Red Bull... I just grew a beard thinking about that.