Give A Girl A Cookie And She'll Want A Throat Coat on S&BJ Day

Happy Steak and BJ Day!

Podcast 17: Give A Girl A Throat Coat on S&BJ Day


Tea_Pain put in pictures!

What: Throat Coat
How much: $.343 per bag
What kind: Herbal
Taste: Like death by licorice
Repeat Drinkability: 3/10 (Have you ever licked the hoof of a horse?)
Manliness: 0/10 (This is where babies come from)

The Kama eSutras

Check out the podcast below and vote on the troll poll above!  See the podcast for full descriptions of the answers.  For whatever reason the title won't show up.  The question is: What technique should Tea_Pain use to meet women at the bars?

Podcast 5: The Blag's experience with the Kama eSutras





What: Defense (eSutras Organics)
How much: $2.50/oz
What kind: Herbal
Taste: I just drank the insides of a thrift store.
Repeat Drinkability: 0/10 (Pretty sure Pig Pen wouldn't wash himself with this stuff)
Manliness: 0/10 (Too many words in the description.  We like shit simple.  Like an abstract.)


What:    ALL (eSutras Organics)
How much: $2.50/oz
What kind: Herbal
Taste: Fuck my tongue into pieces, this is my last herbal. Shoulda had a darjeeling, don't give a fuck if this tastes like it's healing. This is my last herbal.
Repeat Drinkability: 0/10 (This isn't the kind of thing you should put by your mouth)
Manliness: 7/10 (Men love dirty things)

EDIT: Duke is blaming Pain for no pics. WTF Tea_Pain.

5) Riskopoly and Tea: The /T/ That Sank a Thousand Dollars in Australia

DukeOEarl: One of the great things about Riskopoly is the ability to extort money from other players.  However, it particularly sucks when it happens to you.  Such is the case with Pain, who was told by Brosef #1, "Give up your monopoly or you will be wiped off the Risk board by my 22 armies in Africa." So Pain, being the capitalist pig that he is, sees an opportunity to profit from such a threat.  Pain trades two of the monopoly properties to Duke, dissolving the monopoly, with the conditions unknown to Brosef #1 that in two Risk turns, the properties will return to Pain, and I will be paid $1000.  Since Brosef #1 was still in the act of buying the armies when extorting the Pain, I decided to place the armies in Asia and finally wiped out the freshman via a backdoor.  However, he lost a lot of armies and Pain promptly took Central America to prevent Brosef 2 from holding all of N.A.

The Ghandi Cocktail

Tea_Pain: Yogi actually ended up sending us 2 samples. We're hoping "Healthy Fasting" doesn't taste like air coming from bubblewrap. In fact, tasting like anything would be an improvement over "DeTox".

The Capital T Doesn't Stand for /T/

DukeOEarl: I don't think I've ever understood herbal /t/. How is it even called "tea"? Tea leaves do not exist in it. There isn't even tea powder or artificial tea flavoring in herbal tea. AND there is no caffeine! It'd be like making fake milk and calling it ___ milk even though it wasn't squeeze from a bosom of any shape or form. That kind of shit should be illegal, like terrorism or tiger blood.

Tea_Pain: Anyway, looks like we got a sample of Yogi's "DeTox" in the mail. You know, in case that bad trip on Smirnoff and mystery pills didn't scare us away enough. How does it smell Duke?

Is this the Yogi Bear of /T/ea?

After class today, I decided to try a /t/ea that I g-snatched from my sister a while ago.  It seemed worth a try, being called Aztec Sweet Chili by Yogi.  It also had a long list of interesting herbal ingredients.  As a plus, I could potentially make a Yogi Bear reference.  So is this the Yogi Bear of /t/ea?

Wen en Jermanee spel ebrything rong

I don't know what it is with Germans, but they spell everything wrong.  Like for instance, this box of /t/ that I'm reviewing, seen below, has the words "fruit" and "tea" misspelled several times.  What the fücht?  Spell words the right way.  Jesus came to Earth to teach everyone how to spell properly, but since y'all are a little slow, Mammad had to come 700 years later to try again.  Anyway here is that picture:

Oh how did that get there...well I guess it's just gonna stay.  Go Stillers.  Well now I gotta find that other picture...So anyway, this tea is a fruit tea.  What is a fruit tea exactly?  Well apparently hibiscus and rose is the base for a fruit tea.  And I thought they were flowers.  Silly me.  Apparently there are apples, oranges, lemons, and elderberries in this /t/.  It füchten smells like it!  It smells more like fruity pebbles than that blueberry pie /t/.  It tastes like a good bottle of cough syrup too.  Not quite on par with the super flavorful Fruit Punch Robitussin for kids, which you have to drink like four bottles of for any kind of fun cause kids are lightweights, but it's still good albeit very fruity in a fruity way.  I sorta wish it was more red.  I love shiny red things like Bar Refaeli.  This looked more like blood.  I get enough blood when I eat raw meat.  I don't need to digest any more blood.

Overall this /t/ wasn't so bad.  I mean I drank about four roses worth of rose hips and more fruit than I'll ingest throughout the rest of my life, but it wasn't pissass.  Thank /T/sus for that.  In the end the fruity flavor was subtle and sweet (no honey necessary) even though it came from a box that expired about six years ago.  I guess the Germans build things to last.  Oh wait.

What: Fruit Tea aka Früchte-Tee (Julius Meini)
How much: I dunno ($10 a box?)
What kind: Herbal - Fruit
Taste: Like this
Repeat Drinkability: 6/10 (minus a point for being six+ years old)
Manliness: 1.5/10 (fruit, especially apples, without pie isn't very manly)

P.S. - If you like the Blag, like it on facebook and tell your friends!

Oh here is the picture of the /t/

Soulless /T/

Tea_Pain: Well, since the other Alterra tea was so awesome, we figured we should try another blend: Organic Tangerine Ginger. I'm a fan of both of these flavors and really hoped it lived up to the new standard of Alterra teas I had figured out. We turned on some G4, watched some Cheaters (quality American programming), saw some quality advertising (To quote Rescue Capital, "We don't use cartoons. That makes us better than the competition.") and went to town.

DukeOEarl: Not NEARLY as potent as the other Alterra tea. It smells way more epic than it tastes because it smells like orange rind and fresh cut ginger root. However in the /t/, the ginger takes a ton of time to build. It would be a better potpourri. I wish there was more ginger. Actually this is the only time I've wished for more ginger. Gingers anger me.

Tea_Pain: If you like warm ginger water, you're probably better off sipping Carrot Top's bath water. I mean, it's just warm, sour, and tastes like failure. If this is a widely available and marketable brand (see: Alterra), you will want to reach out to the audience that pays the most money. In this case, that audience likes things sweeter than a Care Bear milkshake. Even as a purist, I have to say that this tea is just overpowered by ginger. I came in wanting orange ginger; I came out wanting orange ginger.

DukeOEarl: Tea_Pain is right. Remember when I wished for more ginger? Yeah well that sucked because on the second pour it tasted way more like ginger albeit sweeter, but not like the good kind of sweet ginger. I still wanted fucking ginger in my /t/ except that's what I got. The only logical explanation is that we were tricked. Some ghost ginger hoodwinked me and Tea_Pain to like ginger. Ghost ginger also made it bright red to trick me specifically. /T/ime to pray to /T/sus to protect us from that damned ghost ginger. Oh great /T/sus send us gifts of Da Hong Pao (and money) (or just money) so that we may bask in your glory!

What: Organic Tangerine Ginger (Alterra)
How much: $10 for 3.25 oz tin
What kind: Herbal - Ginger, "citrus"
Taste: like Pinesol
Repeat Drinkability: 3/10 (It's borderline meh)
Manliness: 4/10 (looks like wine, not beer. MAN UP)

Alterra should stick with coff...oh my god /t/his is delicious

DukeOEarl - So Tea_Pain invites me over to cuddle, I mean drink /t/. He whips out his tin and it smells like blueberry yum yum. Actually, it didn't, but it did smell delicious.

Tea_Pain - I basically woke up that morning and said, "A'ight, today I want to drink a muffin." Since this is the case, I pretty much had to make this stuff for the blog. Luckily my birthday wasn't too long ago and I think I got some good stuff from the rents (to be determined in about...1 minute). One blend is this Blueberry Rooibos from Alterra. Smells like blueberry crack. You know how manly crack is, right? Try fruity crack. Effing. Stellar.

DukeOEarl - It's definitely rooibos...but it also tastes like blueberry pie. If Homestarrunner were to drink this, it would say, "Okay bwuebewwee tea. Wowww it tastes wike bwuebewweessssss! That's gwate." Also what the fuck are shazandra berries? I can't even say that name twice in a row and apparently they were in this /t/. They will now be known as shazam berries. Why? Honestly I don't know.

Tea_Pain - I know why they're called shazam berries: Shaq ate them enough during his days on the Magic that he went on to make a movie about them. They also cured Shaq's unbearable viral hepatitis. Anyway, Alterra loved the movie so much they decided to put them in this /t/. Makes complete sense. As for the taste, I think that if we could steep this repeatedly I wouldn't have to buy another tea. Rather than act the role of a weak herbal with a strong scent, this stuff went full retard on me and kicked the crap out of my taste buds. Though it's a little expensive for loose leaf tea, this stuff is well worth the money. A++++, would buy again.

What: Blueberry Rooibos (Loose) (Alterra)
How much: $10 for 3oz tin.
What kind: Herbal - Red, Blueberry
Taste: Like muff-diving into a blueberry patch
Repeat Drinkability: 9/10 (if you COULD steep it twice, this would be a 10)
Manliness: 9/10 (just like blueberry pie on African Christmas)