Tea_Pain, Y U No Update?

Podcast 25: Tea_Pain, Y U No Update?


Apparently when Duke leaves the country, I have no reason to update the blag. Sorry bros and brahs, we're back up and running again.

On a more serious note: people are still shopping at Teavana. How do we stop this? Is there a special picture we can put on Facebook and get a shit-ton of likes so that we can stop atrocities like this tea? Solutions are welcome and encouraged.

What: Citrus Lavender Sage (Teavana)
How much: $5.00 / oz
What kind: Herbal is garbage
Taste: Flat 50/50
Repeat Drinkability: 2/10 (Expense, can't steep more than once for several reasons, and I have to save some for Duke so I can torture him with it at some point. Thus, I'm hoarding until it is to be destroyed by lots and lots of fire.)
Manliness: 0/10  (This would attract Bieberflies, if they existed.)

We put our tea in your Secret Garden

We disobeyed Lori, we took our damn finals, we finally got some damn /t/ea.

Podcast 24: We put our tea in your Secret Garden


What: Secret Garden (Tea Embassy)
How much: $5.75 / oz
What kind: White, Green
Taste: Warm Juicy Fruit
Repeat Drinkability: 3/10  (1 steep and no chance of cholera)
Manliness: 1/10 (Like a mustache ride from John Waters)



What: Milk Oolong (Tea Embassy)
How much: $10 / oz
What kind: Oolong
Taste: Green tea with oatmeal... it tastes better than it sounds
Repeat Drinkability: 6/10  (In the words of Adam, "It's aight.")
Manliness: 7/10 (What's more manly than milk?)

"Don't Go" to Mifflin and "Don't Buy" Aeroshots Presented by Fat Chicks

Podcast 23: "Don't Go" to Mifflin and "Don't Buy" Aeroshots

What: AEROSHOT Energy (Breathable Foods)
How much: $2.99 per
What kind: (Apparently NOT breathable) Caffeine
Taste: Like getting roofied by a lime
Repeat Suckability: 2/10 (Only Jenna Jameson could get all the caffeine out of one of these Aeroshots)
Manliness: 0/10 (Like giving a blow job while wearing a pink feather boa)

If you want to see the "Don't Go" video click here:

Sponsor: Dat Pao

Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod, we got more PAO, you guys. This is, lyke, the best day EVAR!!

Podcast 22: Dat Pao

What: Farmers' Cooperative Banzhang '03 Shen (Verdant Tea)
How much: $10.00-13.50/oz
What kind: Pu Erh
Taste: A cross between leather and Darjeeling.
Repeat Drinkability: 2/10 (Cause, pu erh)
Manliness: 5/10 (Because cowboys would probably like it)

What: Wuyi Mountain Big Red Robe (Verdant Tea)
How much: $6.95-9.25/oz
What kind: Oolong
Taste: Have you ever tasted sweet baby /t/sus' tears?  It's like that only you can get more steeps out of it.
Repeat Drinkability: 10/10 (We have reached enlightenment)
Manliness: 9/10 (Picture Bill Shatner and Burt Reynolds as action heros / auto mechanics)

Sponsor: Verdant Knows Demon Magic

Verdant Tea decided to unknowingly sponsor a post about Duke hooking up with a successful gold-digger.  We can respect Minnesota again!

Podcast 21:

What: Autumn Harvest Laoshan Black (Verdant Tea)
How much: $6.38-8.50/oz
What kind:  Black
Taste:  It's PAO with equal rights.
Repeat Drinkability: 10/10  (As prophets of the PAO, we must also appreciate the *slightly* lesser gods. So sayeth the PAO, so drinketh the /t/.)
Manliness: 10/10  (Look at your Old Spice guy, now back at the /t/... sadly, your Old Spice guy won't taste as fucking delicious as this /t/.  But, he's probably as smooth as this.)

(Tea_Pain needs to start using skin cream.)

What: Xingyang Nuggets 2008 Shu (Verdant Tea)
How much: $5.60-7.50/oz
What kind:  Pu erh

Taste:  Oatmeal in a manilla folder

Repeat Drinkability: 3/10  (Infinity steeps...very meh flavor. It'll also get you detained in an airport for looking like weed.)

Manliness: 3/10  (Smelled faintly of Ariel's fin. I may or may not have enjoyed this.)

Celebrate Teaday

Podcast 20: AFD

What: Never Give Up (Rick's Tea)
How much: got this fo free
What kind: Red
Taste: Like a relationship
Repeat Drinkability: Depends on some things
Manliness: Decide for yourself

That's a French Ass Tea Yvonne

You know what to do.

Podcast 19: That's A French Ass Tea


(Tea_Pain needs to add pics)

What: Rooibos (Twinings)
How much: Too much
What kind: Red
Taste: Like Carrot Top's breast milk
Repeat Drinkability: 2 (Breast Milk)
Manliness: 3 (Carrot Top)

What: Peach Rooibos (Yogi)
How much: Too much
What kind: Red
Taste: Peachez n creamz nahmeans
Repeat Drinkability: 6 (The taste delay is like waiting for new George RR Martin books to come out)
Manliness: 3 (Less manly than Sporty Spice)

Duke Tastes The Luck O The Irish And Keemun

Lotta BS in this one. Skip ahead if you have no sense of humor.

Podcast 18: Duke Tastes The Luck O The Irish And Keemun

What: Keemun Hao Ya (Co-op? Generic?)
How much: $2.40 / oz or something like that
What kind: Black Tea
Taste: Like a tea flavored warhead
Repeat Drinkability: 7.5/10 (akin to an above average black tea with CAFFEINE)
Manliness: 8/10 (like getting a black eye)

Give A Girl A Cookie And She'll Want A Throat Coat on S&BJ Day

Happy Steak and BJ Day!

Podcast 17: Give A Girl A Throat Coat on S&BJ Day


Tea_Pain put in pictures!

What: Throat Coat
How much: $.343 per bag
What kind: Herbal
Taste: Like death by licorice
Repeat Drinkability: 3/10 (Have you ever licked the hoof of a horse?)
Manliness: 0/10 (This is where babies come from)

Shh... Green Team

Podcast 16: First Matcha Sponsor and Tea_Pain does the Matcha Challenge

What: Top Leaf Green (Mellow Monk)
How much: $14.95 per 100-gram packet
What kind: Green Tea
Taste: A full meal for an extremely mixed-race family. Potato soup and watermelon for all!
Repeat Drinkability: 7/10  (Enough steeps for a green tea and there's a different taste to each steep. Goes from savory to sweet... like my victory over Tea_Pain in the chugging contest.)
Manliness: 8/10  (Because, Godzilla.)

What: Mountain Snow Matcha (Mellow Monk)
How much: $16.95 per 95-gram packet
What kind: Green Tea - Matcha
Taste: Like "Top Leaf", but only slightly chalky.
Repeat Drinkability: 4/10 (Convenient but only one steep. Think Crystal Light but with actual tea.)
Manliness: 9/10 (The Hot Pocket of tea)