There is actually tea being reviewed in this post. OMGRLY.

Last weekend I took my first airplane ride since Seattle.  I had to go out of town for a brief but necessary weekend business trip.  This is how the flight back went:

SPONSOR: The Stanky Leg, The Bernie, and now...

We're kinda mixing it up right now since we have 2 sponsors at once. We received a couple /t/s from The Tea and Jazz House after giving them some input on their new website.  Wait, you mean their /t/s are all named after jazzy people?  But I took a class on jazz musicians and only "Cole" pops out (notice how it has rooibos from AFRICA and CHOCOLATE, lolol), how are we supposed to drink based off our musical needs?  Easy. We chose the /t/ with random-ass names.  For instance, "The Krall", which I thought was probably a dance made up in low-income nightclubs in Atlanta.

First off, aesthetically, the tin is pretty toned down and simplistic: stainless steel with some laminated labels.  Looks like some guy just went to his label maker and slapped a couple on and shipped em out... not that that's bad or anything.  Once you open the container, you realize that physics has been bended.  The speed of smell far outpaces the speed of light and, for once, Stephen Hawking makes sense.  The smell is nearly to the point of overbearing sweetness.  Instead of the expected apple and pear smell, I was instead nasally assaulted by berries dunked in corn syrup with a honey glaze.  It's a stretch, but I guess this could be similar to a fruit cup, extra syrup.  Those chunks in there, after a personal taste test, were definitely pear-like and were still chewy.  Ok /t/, I'm expecting good things out of you. Shut up and get in the boiling water!

Lipton's younger brother is angry, has a gun

DukeOEarl:  Today we try the edgier, more ironic (see: hipster) younger brother of Lipton, Nestea.  While we don't expect this to be even close to remotely good, we are keeping our minds open.  By the way, Tea_Pain and I have a truce right now to keep one of us from walking out of the house with all the tea and the children.  Basically, we need marriage counseling.  Anyway: tea.  We steeped the tea for one minute as it turned dark black.  Like the picture below.  I was a bit excited.  Tea_Pain cried a little.

Pirates would love this tea if...

...if it had more grog in it.

Tea_Pain and I are in the middle of a divorce.  Because of the Dart girl incident.  It's funny cause his film shows more of my ass than anything remotely related to heterosexual intercourse.  We're not fighting over the cheating or the videotaping.  Basically, I'm trying to get him to go to film school cause he sucks.  And he doesn't want to go.  What a baby.  I offered him my left tit to suckle, and he said he wanted a divorce.  My answer: "Bring it fatty."

SPONSOR: /T/ouché

Dart girl is a bad liar
Duke just can't say no
Tea_Pain, closet film maker

Oh, look at that, Tea_Pain is an amazing poet too. I'm like Shel fucking Silverstein in his prime.  Here Duke, have a limerick:

Tea_Pain once sat in his closet
Waiting for Duke to come bop it
He sat in a chair
Camera focused where
Duke came before Dart girl touched it.

Thanks to working a half-day, the filming of that tape will that make an excellent, future blackmailing.  Now I shall /t/.